


The Timestream: Mementos

by kasviel



Series: The Timestream (Savior Continuum) [3]
Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII
Genre: M/M, Non-Consensual Spanking, Spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:07:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 28,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27463909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kasviel/pseuds/kasviel
Summary: The third story in my "Timestream" series (please read Part One and Two first). A look at the years from Sephiroth's childhood to early maturity, and Rufus's struggles in between.
Relationships: Rufus Shinra/Tseng, Sephiroth/Rufus Shinra
Series: The Timestream (Savior Continuum) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2008870
Kudos: 5





	1. Memento I

[ August 15, 1990 ]

A heatwave swept through Midgar in the last month of summer that year. The people of the slums languished in the paltry shade of the Plate. Those atop the Plate consumed Mako Energy like there was no tomorrow to run fans and air conditioners. Shinra, Inc. earnings were up due to the heatwave, from sky-rocketing Mako Energy bills and sales of their patented air conditioning systems. The excess waste from the Mako Reactors trickled down and down, pooling in the slums beneath the Plate. No one in the upper city paid any mind.

The Shinra Tower, Sector 0’s tallest building in its only residential district, was untouched by the heatwave. On the roof, the heir of the company, Rufus Shinra, sat with his bare legs dangling in a large pool. His skin was tanned from his first summer spent predominantly out-of-doors, blond hair highlighted by platinum streaks from the sun. He wore dark blue swim trunks and a white tee. He rarely swam bare-chested anymore, preferring to keep his heirloom necklace from view. He dared not remove the platinum chain with its one-winged pendant, for fear he might lose the protection of the True Time Materia.

The water shimmered and rippled against his legs. He looked up in time to see a silver-gray head surface from the water. Wispy strands of hair had escaped his hair tie but as usual, Sephiroth did not bother to push his hair out of his face. His vivid green eyes turned upwards expectantly.

“One minute, forty-five seconds! Any longer, and I would have jumped in after you!”

Amara Ami, the boys’ caretaker, had joined them swimming today. She wore a tasteful black one-piece suit that covered her curvaceous body as much as possible. Her olive skin had deepened to a deeper caramel hue. She had braided her long black hair in a single braid that fell down to her waist. Due to an unfortunate blackmail scheme, Rufus Shinra had already seen far more of his young caregiver than this. The thought made his face warm and he averted his eyes. He hoped that his hormones weren’t beginning to ramp up, that was the last thing he needed.

“You should quit for the day,” Amara told Sephiroth, kneeling in front of the pool. “It’s dangerous to hold your breath that long consecutively.”

“I can make it to two minutes.”

“No, that’s enough,” Amara said firmly. “Here, let me show you something.”

Amara slipped lithely into the water. She pushed off the pool wall and launched into a lap doing the butterfly stroke. Sephiroth watched her curiously, treading water by Rufus’s feet. True to his word, he had spent every day at the pool until he was at home in the water. There was no task the boy took on that he did not feel compelled to master, or that he was unable to master. The ten-year-old child drifted through human life absorbing things like a sponge, but only a few activities moved him.

Rufus reached down and brushed the boy’s silver hair out of his face for him. Sephiroth glanced up at him. Rufus slid down into the water beside him. Despite his many attempts to remain underwater for two minutes, Sephiroth’s breath was even. As usual, his skin was very cool, even in the sun-warmed water. Despite being outside in the sun so often, his skin was its usual fair tone.

“You’ve spent most of your time in the gym, the library, and the pool,” Rufus said. “You like swimming, don’t you?”

“Yes.” Sephiroth lifted his legs and floated on his back. “It’s like the world disappears in the water.”

The boy often came out with random philosophical observations such as this. He shut his eyes and the loose strands of his hair floated around him. Amara returned by did not interrupt.

“Do you think the Lifestream is like this?”

Amara and Rufus shared a look. Sephiroth never meant to be particularly morbid, but he had the tendency to dwell on the mysteries of life and death. Rufus wished that the deceased Professor Gast had never read the boy so many stories about the damned Ancients and their lore.

“I’m sure it’s even more pleasant,” Amara said. “Here. Do you want to learn the butterfly stroke? Or are you tired?”

Sephiroth opened his eyes and righted himself. Rufus wondered if he ever _did_ tire. He had yet to see the boy run out of energy. At least he slept soundly every night.

“I can try.”

“Okay, we’ll do a few laps. Now first … ”

Amara coached Sephiroth as they swam out to the center of the pool. Rufus climbed out again, stretching his arms. He lay on a beach towel emblazoned with the Shinra logo, staring up at the sky.

_This summer has been life-changing. My mother’s death broke me into pieces and it’s been a struggle to put myself back together. Old Rufus Shinra shattered this continuum itself, and left me to put those pieces back together, year by year, decade by decade. On top of it all, I had to rescue this perfect little boy whose destiny is so precarious. This child who is my first true, dear friend._

_I still have so much work to do. I have to be so careful with my life and my choices. I have to be even more careful of Sephiroth’s life and choices. There are seeds to plant for the sake of the future. Plans to make. But right now, in these lazy summer days, I feel it all drift away. Sephiroth is happy. I’m happy. Nothing else seems to matter. We are flowing along but not in the Lifestream, nor in the Timestream. We’re being carried through a new continuum of free life. This world is a blank slate, tabula rasa. We’re the ones who will write the future._

_But not right now. Right now, I want to enjoy the last of this precious summer._

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


Rufus dozed for an hour until they all returned inside. Downstairs in the Shinra Penthouse, the two-floor Midgar family home, he showered and changed into fresh clothes. Rufus noted as he dressed that he had not broken the habit of wearing mostly white; his mother had always dressed him so when he was a child, and he had simply kept to the pattern. Conversely, he was unable to get Sephiroth to wear anything that wasn’t predominantly black. Amara had remarked that they were the two most stubborn boys in Midgar.

Rufus sat at his desk and booted up his new computer. It had taken a lot of money to install the top-of-the-line machine and have it stringently secured with the highest level of privacy software. The computer would not even turn on unless Rufus’s hands and retinas were scanned. He was assured it was hack-proof but he planned to study computer security himself upon returning to school; he needed to know how to secure his information himself. Months ago, he would have seen these measures as paranoid, now they were simply practical.

Although he had not yet disposed of the metal briefcase containing Old Rufus Shinra’s legacy, Rufus had compiled most of the data into this machine. Incredible to think, but this machine now contained the sum of knowledge of a future world. Not only that, but it contained a highly-detailed analysis of this world’s potential futures, based on all that Old Rufus Shinra had lived through. Rufus himself was adding more daily: recording his own observations, revising assumptions, laying out plans. It would not do for anyone to lay eyes upon the machine’s content.

As he often did, Rufus scrolled through the content regarding Sephiroth. Sephiroth’s folder contained the most content out of all the rest. And why not? In Old Rufus Shinra’s continuum, it had been Sephiroth that visited destruction upon the world. Even so, Old Rufus’s obsessive love for the One-Winged Angel had never waned. The culmination of that obsession was this folder of data, compiled from his notebooks and portfolio.

‘ _Vendetta against Shinra … Murdered the President in cold blood … Midgar took the brunt of Meteorfall, and the entire city was utterly destroyed … ’_

Rufus drew a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He did not deny that all these events happened in another world, during another time. It still felt surreal to contemplate, during these peaceful summer days in the city that was his birthright.

‘ _Dubbed the ‘One-Winged Angel’ during the war … Hero of Wutai … Became bored with combat due to unmatched skill … emotionally shut down … cold … taciturn … determinedly anti-social … His natural arrogance was fueled into a god complex by his embittered madness, leading to what is now known as the ‘Nibelheim Incident’, in which an entire town fell to his … ’_

Rufus closed the file and rubbed his face. It was too much. He still could not reconcile the little boy he had convinced his father to take in with the ruthless mass murderer described in the files. He hoped—almost prayed—that he would never have to reconcile them during his lifetime.

President Shinra was absent from dinner as per usual. Amara, Sephiroth, and Rufus sat at the table for their meal. Rufus noticed that Sephiroth preferred his days to go according to a routine: physical activity during the day and any lessons he may have scheduled, then a night of homework and reading. The few times he was home, even President Shinra observed what a well-behaved child Sephiroth was. Currently, the boy was reading the biography of a war general while he ate his meal in his quick, delicate manner.

“Hm, another serious subject,” Amara said. “What happened to the book of fairy tales that I gave you?”

“I finished it.”

“Did you enjoy it?”

“The people did a lot of stupid things,” Sephiroth replied. “They wouldn’t have had so many problems if they hadn’t done so many stupid things.”

“People don’t always do the right thing,” Amara said. “Sometimes it’s confusing to know what the right thing to do is. Sometimes people get tricked by bad people.”

“Or sometimes they take stupid risks for love,” Rufus muttered. His mind was still on the files regarding the Sephiroth of another continuum.

“Er, yeah, that too.”

“I don’t understand people,” Sephiroth said simply.

“You’re not perfect yourself,” Rufus informed him, pointing his fork across the table at the startled boy. “Don’t forget that.”

“This is about that training dummy again, isn’t it?”

“You did break it for no reason,” Rufus said. “What if that had gotten _you_ into as much trouble as those fairy tale characters? What would you have done then?”

Sephiroth shrugged. He was not one for theoretical scenarios. Amara had noticed that when Rufus grew stern with him, Sephiroth tended to ignore him. She didn’t think the situation was good for either of them but did not know how to diffuse it: these boys did not act or think like normal kids their ages. At times, she felt that Rufus was the real head of the household.

Rufus reached across the table and slid the book away from the boy. Sephiroth lifted his head slowly and met Rufus’s eyes. His expression was unreadable.

“Don’t shrug when someone asks you a question, it’s intellectually lazy,” Rufus scolded. “Answer me, Sephiroth.”

“There are only two types of situation: ones that you can fight or think your way out of, and ones that you can’t,” Sephiroth said. “If I could fight or think my way out, I would. If not, I would wait until I could. In the end, that’s all any of the fairy tale people ever did anyway: they waited until they could fight or think their way out of their bad luck. The rest was a lot of romance and violence.”

“Well, he did get the gist of it,” Amara said. “Didn’t you like any of the characters, Sephiroth? Any scenes? Any pictures?”

“I like the Knight in Shadow, he was cool,” Sephiroth said, sounding his age for once. “All he wanted was a pure fight, to see who was stronger, nothing silly. Too bad the King was stronger, but at least he got his fight.”

The opinion was not comforting to Rufus whatsoever.

“I also liked the Prince of Thorns,” Sephiroth said, more softly. “He took in the orphan, the way you took me in. He was supposed to seem scary at first but he was actually nice.”

Rufus’s expression softened though his blue eyes remained wary. _Does he mean that? Or is he playing me? No, he’s blushing. He only blushes when he says something genuine, since he’s so ashamed of his emotions. He was taught to bury anything deemed a weakness and he still has trouble being sentimental._

“He wasn’t strong enough to survive, though. Can I have my book back, Rufus?”

Rufus twitched. Amara tried and failed to suppress a laugh. She reached over and ruffled Sephiroth’s hair. Rufus shook his head but a small smile betrayed him. He pushed the book back across to Sephiroth, who continued reading.

After dinner, Sephiroth went to brush his teeth and change for bed. Rufus held Amara back in the dining room. He sat on the chair beside hers, waiting for the servants to clear the dishes away before speaking.

“Yes?” the caregiver asked. “Is something wrong? I know Sephiroth worries you sometimes but he doesn’t mean to annoy you. He’s just very honest.”

“Hm? Oh, no, I’m not worried about that,” Rufus said. “He’s always going to be a little arrogant. This morning, when I went to the Shinra HQ, I spoke with my father about my schooling. As you know, I’ve been trying to convince him to let me transfer to the Midgar School of Business. But he won’t go for it.”

“No?”

“No, not this year,” Rufus said. “Next year, when I’m fourteen, I’ll be of age to attend high school. So father in his infinite wisdom believes that I should finish my run at the Shinra Military Academy and transfer to a Midgar school with a clean slate. I have to admit that it’s logical, but I really did not want to be away from Sephiroth.”

“He is settling in well,” Amara said. “I’ll be here to watch over him.”

“I’m going to have to trust you with that, Amara,” Rufus said. “It’s probably obvious to you from our early days, but it isn’t easy for me to trust people. All the background information in the world can’t tell you who might betray you and when, or even why. You’ve been good with Sephiroth from the start. You’ve been kind to me even when I was blackmailing you. Most importantly, you’ve kept my greatest secret so far.”

“I won’t do anything to jeopardize you boys,” Amara said. “You _can_ trust me, Rufus.”

Rufus stared at his hands, tapping a finger on the table thoughtfully. A part of him wished that he had never given her the last copies of those lewd photos. Then again, he reasoned, blackmail could only go so far. If he honestly _could_ trust her, an allegiance maintained by free will was far more valuable than one based on threats. Still, it bothered him to leave Sephiroth with someone he didn’t have total control over.

“Be kind to him,” Rufus said. “I won’t ask anything more from you other than that. Take care of him for me, Amara.”

“Of course I will,” Amara said. “I promise that I will.”

“There’s nothing more I can do about it now,” Rufus said. “I will be home for the holiday break in the winter and the lesser vacations. For now, I’ll have to break it to Sephiroth.”

Rufus left the table and headed for Sephiroth’s room. As was his habit, he let himself in without knocking. Sephiroth was standing before his mirror brushing his hair with fast, slick strokes. Since he had started using better hair care products, he no longer had to deal with tangles. Amara brushed it for him when she got a chance, but the boy preferred to take care of himself by himself.

Rufus drew up a chair to sit nearby. Sephiroth glanced at him out of the corners of his long, silver-lashed eyes. He slowly lowered the brush and faced Rufus fully.

“Are you angry with me?”

“Angry? No,” Rufus said. “Why would you think that?”

“You seemed angry over dinner.”

“Oh, no, I’ve just got a lot on my mind,” Rufus said, waving a hand. “In fact, that’s what I came to talk to you about. Here, let me.”

Sephiroth came over and handed Rufus the brush. He brushed it off the boy’s face for him, wondering why he never was bothered with it falling into his eyes. His silky locks were fragrant and silken now, so fine that it was difficult to ever tie it all completely back.

“I’ve told you before about my schooling, haven’t I?” Rufus said. “I’ve been attending the Shinra Military Academy in Junon since the first grade. Come September, I’m going to be starting my last year in their juvenile program.”

“Yes,” Sephiroth said. “I asked your father if I could go with you, but he said that my training is more highly specialized.”

“You asked him?”

“Yes.”

“Oh. You wanted to come with me?”

“Yes.”

“That’s—nice to know.” Rufus patted the boy’s head. “I wish you could come, too. But my father is right, the Military Academy probably doesn’t have much to offer you, even at your age. You’ll do best with your tutoring and training here. Listen, Sephiroth.”

Rufus turned the boy by the shoulders to face him, setting the brush down on his desk. Sephiroth’s mouth was turned down at the corners slightly. _Is he going to miss me? Amara is a kind caregiver but I’m his friend. Neither of us had a friend before we met. And we’ve had fun together this summer. For the first time in my life, probably for the first time in his life, we were just children._

“I wanted to transfer to a Midgar school but father won’t allow it this year,” Rufus said. “So, I will be going back to Junon next month. It isn’t too far, and I’ll try to fly in as often as I can on the weekends. I’ll be here for the two-week winter holiday break and one week for spring break, too. After that, next year, I’ll be able to move back to Midgar permanently and go to school here.”

“I see.”

“You’ll be all right while I’m gone, won’t you?” Rufus asked. “You’re a strong, adaptable boy. I know you are. And Ms. Ami will be with you the whole time. You’ll behave yourself, right?”

“Yes.”

“Good boy.”

Rufus went to stand but Sephiroth suddenly grabbed his arm. His bottom lip quivered. Rufus never failed to be surprised when the boy’s neutrality gave way to strong emotion.

“Do you have to go?”

Rufus’s preoccupation with the other world’s Sephiroth was snuffed out. He pulled Sephiroth to his side and hugged him. Sephiroth put his arms around Rufus’s neck tightly. _He’s almost choking me. He might actually be more dangerous when he’s emotional than the opposite._

“I wish I didn’t, but I have to finish this year at school,” Rufus said. “But I’ll be back often. I promise.”

“Are you sure I can stay here?” Sephiroth asked. “I don’t want to go back to Hojo and the lab.”

“No one is going to send you back there,” Rufus said. “Don’t worry. This is your home now. You’re not ever going back to Hojo’s lab to live again, okay?”

“Okay.”

Sephiroth moved back, swiping the back of his hand across his eyes. Rufus rubbed his back comfortingly, pondering him. _When he’s very upset, he actually acts_ younger _than his age. Old Rufus Shinra wrote about that peculiarity. He noted that during his stay in Nibelheim, according to Cloud Strife, he was particularly unstable, swinging from regressive behavior to his normal SOLDIER persona. It’s always the mention of family and his own empty lineage that upsets him. Maybe by giving him a home this early on, I can mitigate the damage._

Rufus took the boy by the hand and led him to bed. Sephiroth stared at his hands, mortified by his own vulnerability. Rufus pulled back the covers to tuck him in.

“Professor Gast never said goodbye,” Sephiroth murmured. “He left and never came back.”

 _So that’s it. That bastard Gast,_ Rufus thought. _According to Old Rufus Shinra’s notes, Gast left immediately after realizing that Sephiroth was not an Ancient. How could he abandon a child simply because of his genetics? Then he left with the last true Ancient and had his own half-breed, Aerith. I wonder … Did he love Aerith’s mother? Or was he simply that obsessed with the Ancients? Hojo and Gast seem like two sides of the same coin._

“I won’t say ‘goodbye’ because I _will_ come back,” Rufus said. “But you’ll see me off before I return to school. And I’ll call you when I get there. Don’t worry, Sephiroth. I have no intention of returning to the Planet just yet.”

“Good.” A pause. “But I’ll miss you.”

“It won’t be long. I promise. I will never abandon you, Sephiroth.”

Sephiroth smiled in relief. Like a younger child, he reached out and touched his palm to the side of Rufus’s face. Rufus was glad that he was making contact on his own more often; the boy had been leery of the human touch before.

“Are you my best friend, Rufus?”

“Yes,” Rufus said, chuckling a little. “Yes, and I always will be.”

“I’m glad.”

Sephiroth let his hand drop and settled into the pillows. Rufus ran a hand over his head once and left him. He turned out the lights on the way out. Amara was waiting for him in the hallway.

“He’s gone to sleep,” Rufus told her. “He was a little upset but he took it generally well. He still has abandonment issues from Professor Gast’s departure and death, though. He’s going to need you close by while I’m at school.”

“I’ll be here.”

“I suppose you wouldn’t allow me to have a drink at this age, would you?”

“Rufus!”

“I’m kidding,” he smirked. “I wouldn’t mind some coffee, though.”

“Before bed?” Amara said. “I’ll make you some tea.”

“Fine.”

They went to the kitchen. Rufus sat at the marble-topped kitchen island while Amara prepared herbal tea.

“I’m just feeling worn out today,” Rufus explained. “I was looking through those files again. Sometimes, they overwhelm me.”

“You can’t let someone else’s future cloud your judgment of the present,” Amara said. “You’ll end up missing all the good things happening now while worrying about possible bad things that might happen later. I understand your need to plan, but please don’t get too caught up in events that probably will never even happen in this world.”

“I’m trying, but it isn’t always easy to strike a balance,” Rufus said. “Once I have more definite plans, it’ll be easier. At least Sephiroth is happy and safe for now.”

Amara served him his tea. She sat down across the island from him with her own mug.

“And you?” she asked. “You do look very worn out today, Rufus. Don’t forget to take care of yourself.”

“I’ll manage.”

“You’ve dealt with too much over the span of a few months,” Amara said. “I know that you don’t like to speak about it, but don’t forget that you are still mourning your mother.”

“How could I forget? That’s what started all this.” Rufus sipped his tea. “When I met Sephiroth, I was looking for a distraction from grief. By pure chance, I happened upon the most captivating child on the Planet. I would have toyed with him for the summer, then gone on with my school and my life, if it hadn’t been for those files. And now what? I do love Sephiroth but sometimes I wonder … ”

“What?”

“Am I projecting my own childhood issues onto him and trying to solve them that way?” Rufus asked. “Am I _still_ running from my grief by throwing myself into caring for a younger child? Am I trying to be a better parent to Sephiroth than my mother was allowed to be to me? I just don’t know.”

“You sound like a new father,” Amara smiled. “Rufus, you’re _thirteen_. You’re three years older than Sephiroth but you’re his friend, not his parent. You need to worry less about the future and let yourself be his friend.”

“I suppose there isn’t much else I can do now,” Rufus said. “He isn’t problematic yet. He may grow up just fine, now that he has a proper home and people to care for him. Innocent until proven guilty, right?”

“Our Sephiroth will never be guilty of those things,” Amara said. “He’s a sweet boy in his way. You’ll see.”

“Hm. I suppose we will.”


	2. Memento II

Rufus Shinra found school difficult to focus on after his whirlwind summer. He persevered only through utilizing his sleepless nights and drinking as much caffeine as possible. Always distant with his friends, he soon became downright antisocial. Fortunately, losing his mother in the summer allowed him leeway; the teachers were all sympathetic and forgiving.

 _Doubtless hoping to earn the favor of the future President by supporting him while he’s young and vulnerable,_ Rufus thought, amused. _Well, why not take advantage of it? I need all the freedom that I can get._

During his free time and on weekends, Rufus spoke on the phone with Sephiroth. The boy was not one for phone conversations, however, given his tendency to give one-note answers. When Rufus could, he flew via helicopter back to Midgar to check in on Amara and Sephiroth. These allowances did not come often, since he was usually busy catching up on schoolwork or disseminating his plans for the future during the weekend.

Rufus was relieved when the winter holidays came. The cold air blowing in from the sea below the Shinra Military Academy were irritating his sinuses and the endless steel gray horizon was depressing. He packed his bags in a hurry and walked briskly out to the school’s landing strip, where Gus, of the Turks, was waiting with a Shinra helicopter.

“You look beat, sir,” Gus remarked.

Rufus watched Junon shrink beneath the chopper until it was a dark blot on the sandy beige coast. He leaned back in the helicopter seat, drawing in a deep breath and exhaling slowly. He saw his reflection in the helicopter’s glass window. His summer tan had faded to a winter pallor and his eyes had dark circles. He had not even bothered to iron his clothes today. Had the strain caused him to devolve this much? He made a mental note to freshen up at home. No matter how difficult life became, he was a Shinra, and he had to maintain an image of perfection. His mother would be disappointed in him if she saw him like this. He ran a hand through his lank blond hair, brushing it off his face.

“Just a little homesick,” he told Gus. “There’s nothing quite like Midgar.”

“No, sir, there isn’t,” Gus agreed, blunt white teeth flashing. “As a kid back in the Canyon, all I ever wanted was to make it to Midgar. That’s why my parents saved so much to send me to that Military Academy. That didn’t work out but I’m good bein’ in the Turks. You see all the sides of the city, working with them.”

Rufus nodded. He had had the Turks check out Gus’s family background. Although they were from Cosmo Canyon, birthplace of AVALANCHE, they were not anti-Shinra. These days, Rufus wondered if he would even mind if they were. Old Rufus Shinra’s notebooks had detailed the way the Shinra Mako Reactors were slowly draining the Planet of its energy. Rufus still was uncertain how he would deal with the problem of moving Shinra (and the world) away from Mako Energy. At some point, he may even have to work _with_ the so-called ‘eco-terrorists’. But that was a problem for later years.

From above, Rufus could see the damage Midgar was doing to its slice of the Planet. The land surrounding Midgar was dead wasteland, and the sun never shone quite so brightly above the city. They descended down towards the heart of the Plate: Sector 0. Sector 0 boasted only a single residential district, its property exorbitantly expensive and coveted. No building in the district was as exclusive as Shinra Tower, the skyscraper whose only rival was the Shinra Headquarter Building itself. Above the rooftop pool that Rufus and Sephiroth had so enjoyed over the summer was a private helipad. Gus eased the chopper down and shut it off.

Amara had brought Sephiroth to the helipad to wait for Rufus. Rufus climbed down and circled around the front of the chopper. As he passed Gus’s side, he saw the pilot lower his sunglasses to get a better look at Amara Ami. The man gave a very soft whistle. Fortunately, Amara did not notice.

Sephiroth ran up to Rufus then seemed at a loss as to what to do. Rufus ruffled his hair and gave him a brief hug. Behind them, Gus jumped out of the helicopter.

“Anything else you need, sir?”

Rufus could tell that he was lingering deliberately. Well, why not? Amara Ami was five years older than Gus but it made no difference: she was a beautiful woman.

“Why don’t you bring my bags down for me, Gus? Amara, would you show him the way?”

“Sure thing!”

 _He has no chance with her, they’re totally opposite,_ Rufus thought. _But why not give him his chance? Adults are hilarious sometimes._

“So, how have you been?” Rufus asked Sephiroth as he led him to the elevator. “Is your training going well?”

“Yes, very,” Sephiroth said. “I have a new trainer that’s even better. He says that I can start using a real sword next year, when I turn eleven. And he doesn’t limit my Materia, either, not even after the gym caught fire.”

Rufus’s expression remained cheerful but he felt a pang of anxiety inside.

“You set the gym on fire?”

“It was an accident,” Sephiroth said. “Your father understood. He thought it was funny, actually.”

“I see.”

 _He won’t think it’s funny if Sephiroth grows up to murder him,_ Rufus thought. _In Old Rufus Shinra’s continuum, Sephiroth marked his return from the Lifestream by murdering my father in cold blood. The irony is almost humorous._

“Ms. Ami insisted that I have a Literary Studies tutor,” Sephiroth said. “I was bored at first but some of the stories are interesting. Why do people make up stories that never happened?”

“Because the world can be—”

‘ _By the end, what did I have to show for my great love? Only a ruined city and a ravaged body. And Sephiroth? What did he have? An existence of miserable hatred and the blood of thousands, if not millions, on his hands.’_

“—a depressing place.”

“Then why do people make up sad stories?”

“I suppose to deal with their own sadness,” Rufus said. He rubbed his temple, trying to clear his thoughts. “People write stories for different reasons. To cope with their feelings, to run from their feelings, simply to create something that can’t exist in the real world.”

“It doesn’t seem very useful,” Sephiroth said doubtfully. “But Ms. Ami says that I should diversify my interests.”

“She’s right.”

The elevator stopped and they exited into the penthouse suite’s second top floor. Rufus was surprised to see the place decorated for the holidays. He had assumed that after his mother’s death, no one else would bother demanding the servants put out the festive decor. Small lighted pines in pots lined the halls, lush garlands framed every doorway, and there was a grand tree decorated in the den.

“President Shinra gave Ms. Ami command over the household,” Sephiroth explained. “She wanted me to celebrate whatever this holiday is. The trees smell good.”

Rufus ruffled his hair. Memories of his mother directing the servants and painstakingly helping decorate momentarily silenced him. He was tired of grieving but the loss still caught him at unexpected moments.

Behind them, Amara and Gus arrived via the elevator. He had his arms loaded with Rufus’s bags, having refused Amara’s help. She was still trying to lighten his load as they made their way down the hall. He tripped and she tried to catch the falling suitcases. The two ended up an awkward tangle in the hall.

“I told you to let me help!” Amara said, exasperated. “Get that stupid cowboy boot off me! No, don’t grab that! You’ll bring down the decorations!”

Gus relinquished the garland. They both looked up to make certain it hadn’t been pulled down. Neither failed to notice the mistletoe hanging directly above their heads. Amara rolled her eyes.

“Give me a break.” She stood, brushing herself off. “You did that on purpose, didn't you? Get up, you oaf.”

She held out a hand and he took it. Despite his greater height, she pulled the man to his feet. Gus was completely smitten.

“Rules of the season,” he said. “Come on, just a little peck.”

Amara shoved her hand in his face when he bent down to kiss her cheek. She opened the door to Rufus’s room and lugged the fallen suitcases in. Gus sighed and followed her with the rest of the load.

“And here I thought people only behaved that way in uninspired movies,” Rufus commented. “Heh.”

“Hm?”

“Never mind,” Rufus said. He was not up to the task of explaining adult romance to the boy who barely comprehended basic human behavior. “I’m starving. I suppose you don’t appreciate holiday baking, but cook usually has batches of good things.”

Sephiroth followed him to the kitchen. Rufus glanced back at him. He could have sworn the boy had grown a few centimeters during his absence, and his weight was slightly more robust. Gone were the cheap sweatpants and sweatshirts that had been his staple in Hojo’s lab; he wore soft, fitted lounge wear today, although still he wore only black. He was even at home enough to fetch himself a plate of ginger cookies when Rufus served himself a slice of pie. They sat to eat at the kitchen island. All in all, Sephiroth seemed to be thriving at the Shinra home.

“I didn’t think that you would eat cookies.”

“I told cook not to make them too sweet.”

 _He’s even directing the staff now,_ Rufus thought. _How about that._

President Shinra made a surprise entrance while they were eating. He greeted Rufus with his usual cool detachment, which Rufus returned civilly. To Rufus’s surprise, he lightly grazed his hand over Sephiroth’s head as he passed him by. _Is that … affection?_

They discussed Rufus’s school and Sephiroth’s place in the household. President Shinra at least had the grace to congratulate Rufus on maintaining his exemplary grades, despite his mother’s passing. Naturally, the President did not stay long. During the short visit, Rufus could see he was clearly pleased to have taken in Sephiroth as a ward of the Shinra family. That was good, it meant that Sephiroth was safe from Hojo’s machinations.

Amara joined them once President Shinra left. Gus was still hanging around. Rufus was amused by their interactions so he decided not to dismiss the Turk just yet. Gus snatched a cookie from Sephiroth’s plate, not noticing the green narrow-eyed stare this earned him.

“Nice place you have here, Rufus,” Gus said, reverting to their school day familiarity. “The Shinras have style.”

“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” Amara asked peevishly.

“He can stay a while,” Rufus said. “Gus and I go back, after all. Don’t you remember? We got along in school.”

“Oh your left-behind friend? That was you?”

“Ouch,” Gus said. “That wounds. But left-back dropout or not, I’m a Turks now.”

“Everyone knows they don’t have any academic hiring standards.”

“Maybe not, but I can throw down.”

“Why don’t you throw yourself out instead?”

“Give me your number and I shall be gone, madam.”

“No.”

“Aw c’mon, it’s not like I can’t find it out, anyway. I am a Turks after all.”

 _Oh no,_ Rufus thought.

Amara turned on him with furious speed. She grabbed him by the front of his shirt and slammed him into the refrigerator. Gus’s hazel eyes went wide with shock but his face colored immediately due to their closeness. Amara used her other hand to nearly strangle him with his bolo tie.

“I’ve been spied on enough for one lifetime by you goddamn Turks,” she seethed. “Don’t you ever, _ever_ threaten to spy on me again. You got that?”

“I, er, I didn’t mean I _would_ , I just—”

“Now get out!”

Amara did not wait for a reply. She dragged him by the bolo tie all the way to the apartment’s front door. All he could do was stumble after her, lest he choke to death.

“What about the helicopter?” he asked meekly.

“LEAVE IT!”

She shoved him out and slammed the door behind him. Without a personal keycard, he would have to take the emergency exit stairs down fifty flights of stairs. Rufus hoped his cowboy boots were comfortable.

Amara smoothed down her plain black uniform and returned to the boys. She sat at the table beside Sephiroth. Sephiroth gave her an impressed look then resumed eating. Rufus snickered. Amara’s cheeks were flushed.

“I’m surprised you count someone like that as a friend,” Amara said. “Isn’t he much older than you?”

“He’s nineteen,” Rufus confirmed. “We shared one year at the Military Academy—he was in his last year, I was in my first. He’s sloppy but he’s loyal.”

“Well, that’s something, I guess.” Desperately trying to change the subject, she turned to Sephiroth. “Oh, did cook finally get those right? You … made her go through about a dozen batches.”

“These are fine.”

“So, everything has been going well?” Rufus asked Amara. “My father seems proud to have Sephiroth here. I take it that he’s been good?”

“Of course.”

But the way Amara answered too quickly and Sephiroth watched her told Rufus otherwise. He chewed slowly then set his fork down. Sephiroth’s watchful gaze shifted to him then to his food.

“What is it?”

“Just a small incident,” Amara said. “Well, I was taking Sephiroth shopping with me. Some of the boys from the building were trying to tease him. I would have told them to stop but Sephiroth gave one of them a shove. By the time I put the shopping bags down, well, he had put them all down.”

“Your father said it was fine,” Sephiroth said quickly.

“My father said that?” Rufus echoed incredulously.

“The other boys were disparaging your father and family,” Amara explained. “The President said that … well, he was grateful that Sephiroth is loyal to Shinra enough to defend the family’s honor.”

Rufus rubbed the spot between his eyes. He leaned his mouth on his hand, looking across the kitchen island at Sephiroth. _He has no remorse at all. I expected my father to instill discipline in him the way he did with me. I should have known. Sephiroth isn’t an heir, he’s going to be in SOLDIER. My father already sees him as our personal war dog. He’s happy to have someone so fierce close at hand. And so powerful. This is disappointing._

“My father doesn’t always know what’s best, even if he is the President,” Rufus said. “Sephiroth, as your friend, I want you to listen to me: fighting outside of your training is dangerous. I’m not worried that you’ll be hurt, but if you’re caught, if you hurt someone too much, it could ruin everything. You don’t want to be sent back to Hojo’s lab, do you?”

“No!”

“Then listen to me, not my father,” Rufus said. “I was the one that brought you out of there, wasn’t I? I’m not threatening to send you back, but you can’t trust my father. If you end up embarrassing the family, he _will_ send you back, and I won’t be able to do anything about it. He doesn’t care where you live, so long as you end up in SOLDIER. Understand?”

“Yes.”

Sephiroth seemed to be holding something back. _He relaxed when I said that_ I _wouldn’t send him back to Hojo’s lab. What is he thinking? That he can handle my father? My father can be easy to manipulate, it’s true. Has this boy figured him out already? This isn’t good._

“I mean it,” Rufus said sternly. “No more fighting outside. Promise me.”

“Rufus—”

“Promise me right now, Sephiroth.”

“Yes. I promise.”

“Good.” Rufus added, for good measure, “People aren’t like training dummies. You can’t just repair them with enough money.”

“That again!” Sephiroth exclaimed in exasperation. “I didn’t _break_ those stupid boys. I only pushed them around a little.”

Sephiroth indignantly climbed down from his chair and took his plate to the sink. Giving the two a sullen look, he then swept away to his room. He had too much dignity to slam the door.

“The shove he gave the first boy sent him right into the stairs,” Amara said. “He hit his back pretty hard. The other two got a broken nose and a sprained wrist. I’ve never seen anyone move that fast. I expect they lied to their parents about their injuries rather than admitting to being taken down by a ten-year-old, so there wasn’t any further trouble. I reported the incident to the President and he just—laughed. He said that I would be a hypocrite to tell him violence is bad, given that he’s being raised to be a soldier. So I really couldn’t do much about it. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, you weren’t expecting something like that,” Rufus said. “Next time, leave your hands free when you’re with Sephiroth. He respects you, he wouldn’t go on fighting if you took hold of him.”

“Yes. I’ll do that.”

“Amara? Is there something else?”

“No, not really, it’s just … ” Amara sighed. “I hadn’t seen him fight before. Yes, he’s incredibly impressive when he trains, but I had never seen him actually hurt someone. I don’t think he’s ever seriously injured anyone, either. He looked like … I think he _enjoyed_ it. He looked the way he did when he discovered the library here and when he learned how to stay afloat by himself: triumphant, awed, proud. Most kids get upset after their first fight. They cry. He was amazed. I think he hid his excitement to placate me, can you imagine that?”

“I can.” Rufus drummed his fingers on the countertop. “Well, he can’t help his nature. I don’t want to come down too hard on him for being the way he is. I even admire his strength to some extent, it was one of the first things that caught my attention. But he _must_ learn restraint, and I can’t let him get too arrogant. He has to respect me. Those files stated that specifically: I absolutely cannot afford to let Sephiroth ever stop respecting and obeying me. There are few others in a position to demand that level of obedience from him, and they aren’t viable mentors: Hojo is trying to lead him to realize his full destructive nature, Heidegger is a fool who will throw Sephiroth into combat and let the pieces fall where they may, and now it turns out that my father is as bad as Heidegger, if not worse. So it falls to me to keep his respect.”

“I feel a little guilty, talking about him like this,” Amara admitted. “Are we wrong to be so methodical about raising him? It feels like we’re not giving him enough trust. Yes, he scared me for a moment, but he did hold back. If he wanted to, he could have done a lot worse to those boys. And they were taunting him about being an orphan. You know how he is about that.”

“He has to overcome that, at least in public,” Rufus said. “It’s the crux of his instability. And I am trusting him. I’m trusting him to keep his promise to me. If I had lost faith in him, he wouldn’t be here, I’d have him contained in the lab at Shinra.”

“Would you really do that?”

Rufus considered. He sighed.

“No. I couldn’t bring myself to,” he admitted. “I don’t know what I would do. Hopefully, he’ll keep his promise. He seemed sincere enough.”

“Yeah.”

“Even if he was pissed off,” Rufus said with a small smile. “I had better go talk to him. I don’t want my first day back to be this tense.”

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


Sephiroth was sullen at first but he warmed to Rufus with some cajoling. Before long, Rufus was able to slip back into his role as Sephiroth’s friend. Sephiroth forgot the mild scolding and let himself be taken through winter-frosted Midgar with Rufus and Amara. They shopped and ate for the better part of the morning. After that, they saw a movie.

So the two weeks of winter break passed benignly. Rufus recovered from his burnout with much rest, food, and Sephiroth’s company. Although he was tempted, he did not log onto his special computer even once. He was tired of worrying so much about the future, especially now that he was home and happy once again.

Rufus was grateful that his father was elsewhere on the day of festivities. He did not want to be forced into his usual aloof demeanor by his father’s scrutinizing eye. Sephiroth was curious about the idea of exchanging gifts, settling himself by the lighted tree on the floor. His eyes were very wide when Rufus handed him a long, slim wrapped box. He somehow managed to open the wrapping paper at the seams, untie the ribbon, and open the box without destroying any of the packaging. His long slim fingers were nimble as he finally unfolded the inner tissue paper.

“Ohhh!”

Amara’s smile twitched just slightly as Sephiroth lifted a beautiful katana from the box. The boy stood with it immediately, backing away from them. He tested the weight in his left hand, took a firm grip on the handle.

“I know, the timing,” Rufus murmured to Amara. “But he _is_ going to be a soldier, and soon.”

“Y-yeah.” Amara looked up and told Sephiroth, “That’s not to use until your coach says that—”

It was too late. Sephiroth was twirling the blade gracefully. He was infinitely careful, but Amara remained on edge. Rufus tried to assuage her concerns. Sephiroth, with a hint of a mischievous smile on his lips, suddenly whirled around. Amara gasped. A single branch fell from the holiday tree to the floor. Sephiroth nodded to himself, satisfied. Rufus got to his feet and put his hands on the boy’s shoulders.

“That’s enough,” he said. “This is for when you turn eleven and your trainer says it’s okay. I had it commissioned especially for you by a master craftsman. Until you’re older and—”

‘ _His weapon of choice, Masamune, an odachi blade that no one in the world but he could possible wield …’_

“—choose a permanent weapon, this should suffice.”

Rufus rubbed his temple. Sometimes he wished that he had never read Old Rufus Shinra’s damned files. Like the memories of his mother, visions of the possible future kept assaulting his mind unexpectedly.

Sephiroth had already slung the sheath on his back. He whirled the blade once and sheathed it carefully. Then he threw his arms around Rufus. Rufus put an arm around him but was still caught up in a wave of deja vu. Seeing the silver hair, black clothes, and the sword on Sephiroth’s back brought to mind the sketches of Sephiroth in Old Rufus’s files. How much power did he hold in his arms when he embraced this homunculus of destruction? He was fascinated by the boy. It took every ounce of self-control not to be frightened of him.

“Thank you, Rufus.”

Rufus ruffled his hair, unable to speak. His heart twisted and his thoughts were hazy. He sat down on the sofa, rubbing his temple again. Amara sat next to him. She reached out, remembered he did not allow physical contact, and let her hand fall.

“Are you okay?” she asked. “You look pale.”

“I’m fine.”

“I have a present for you, too,” Sephiroth announced. “If Hojo hasn’t let me down.”

“Hojo?” Rufus echoed. “I thought that you never wanted to see him again?”

“He still examines me regularly under supervision,” Sephiroth said. “When Amara said that the winter holiday was about exchanging gifts, I got an idea. It should be here soon.”

While they waited, Amara gave Rufus a small box. He protested but she insisted. Rufus felt guilty for not having bought his caregiver anything. His entire mind had been focused on Sephiroth this year.

Amara’s gift was a small platinum charm. A blue orb was minutely painted with a map of the Planet’s continents. Rufus took out his necklace and clipped the charm to it. It rested neatly beside the True Time Materia in its one-winged frame.

“To remind you that our planet is this one, and our time is here, now,” Amara said, low enough that Sephiroth would not hear. “Don’t lose sight of that, not even when you have to look to the future. Okay?”

Rufus did not know what so say. He managed a polite, “Thank you.”

Amara dared to squeeze his shoulder then went to Sephiroth. Sephiroth was pleased with her gifts, mostly clothing in his signature black, and politely accepted even the leather-bound book of poetry she gave him. He held the sheathed katana in his hand all throughout, occasionally lifting the blade just slightly out of it to glimpse the cold steel.

To everyone’s surprise, Hojo himself delivered Sephiroth’s gift to Rufus. He shuffled into the Shinra penthouse warily as two security guards set down a large crate. The door opened and a big dark beast lunged out. Amara gasped and backed up until she fell onto the sofa. The pup was already past Sephiroth’s waist but he gave a shrill whistle and it turned to him immediately. Sephiroth pointed at Rufus.

“To him,” he commanded. “That’s your master.”

The beast-dog cocked its head and then padded over to Rufus. Rufus allowed it to smell his hand, big cold nose pressing firmly against his palm. The dog snuffed in acceptance and sat before his feet. Rufus was delighted.

“We had him trained using your scent and the sound of your voice in videos,” Hojo explained. “He’s respectful of Sephiroth, so that helped.”

“It was all my idea,” Sephiroth said. “It’s a miracle Hojo managed to pull it off.”

“Don’t take that tone with me!” Hojo snapped. He exhaled through his nose, frowning down at the boy. “So how are you? Happy being pampered here in the Shinra home?”

Sephiroth ignored him.

“Hm. Is that a real sword? Well, at least they’re keeping up with your training,” Hojo said. He paused. “You look well, Sephiroth.”

“I’m happy,” Sephiroth said, “no thanks to you.”

“I did this for you, didn’t I?” Hojo said. “Can’t you be civil?”

Sephiroth said nothing. Rufus looked over his new dog’s head at the scientist. He had expected trouble from Hojo after Sephiroth’s removal from the Shinra Building, but he had given none. Rufus supposed he was content to watch his experiment even from a longer distance, and Hojo knew he could not study Sephiroth thoroughly without Shinra funding and facilities. There remained that odd glimmer of hurt in the man’s expression when he looked at Sephiroth, though. Rufus still could not tell if the man loved his son on a deep, repressed level, or not.

“Does that sword of yours have a materia slot?” Hojo asked.

“It has two, paired, incidentally,” Rufus said.

“Here. This should … help with your training.”

Hojo shoved a gift box into Sephiroth’s hands and then hurried out of the penthouse. The security guards trailed after him. Sephiroth looked at the box skeptically, then opened it. Surely enough, a blue materia gleamed inside.

“Elemental Materia,” Sephiroth said. “Well, it _will_ be useful.”

With that, Sephiroth withdrew his sword in a swift motion. He fitted the materia into one of its two slots, then sheathed it again. Rufus got to his feet, a hand resting comfortably on his new dog’s head. Amara had composed herself on the sofa but was sitting stiffly. Suddenly, she burst into laughter.

“Is something wrong with you?” Sephiroth asked.

“No, I’m sorry,” Amara said. “It’s … just not the festive morning that I was expecting. Sorry.”

The dog inquisitively moved its head in her direction. She jumped back, laughter cut short. Rufus stifled his own laugh but Sephiroth chuckled. Soon, they were all laughing. Nonetheless, Amara kept her distance from the dog, and eyed Sephiroth’s sword anxiously. It was then that she realized that raising these two boys was akin to playing with fire.

Sephiroth begged to be taken down to the gym to test out his new sword. Rufus gave in and they all went to the secondary floor of the penthouse suites. While Sephiroth practiced with the katana, Rufus tested his dog’s training. The beast was strong-willed but obedient.

“I won’t have to walk it, will I?” Amara asked. “While you’re at school?”

“Oh, he’ll be flying to school with me,” Rufus said. “The Military Academy has a canine course and allows us to house a pet to train there. My last one was too feral and had to be put down before completing its training. It’s good to have a guard dog again.”

“You’re not afraid of it?”

“Dogs respect power,” Rufus said. “If anything, this is a reminder to never let my fear or weaknesses show. A fitting gift for the heir of Shinra.”

“Should Sephiroth really have a sword? He’s only ten.”

“He’ll be eleven soon,” Rufus pointed out. “But don’t let him leave the house with it, ever.”

“I won’t.” Amara did not say that she was uncertain how she could stop him.

They spent the rest of the day in the gym, then upstairs watching holiday films in the end. Sephiroth ignored the sentimental movies, opting to read a book concerning sword techniques. Rufus dozed with his arm around his new pup.

The three ate a feast of a dinner together in the formal dining room. Even Sephiroth refrained from his usual habit of reading in silence while eating. They talked and laughed unabated. Rufus fed his dog some scraps from his plate. It was a joyous evening that ran late into the night.

Rufus was exhausted by the time he collapsed in bed. He was just nodding off to sleep when a shriek woke him. It was soft and did not repeat, but he could not ignore it. He wearily trudged out of bed and went next door to Sephiroth’s room. The boy was tossing and turning beneath the covers. Rufus hurried over and placed a hand on his forehead. He was warm but not feverish.

“Sephiroth, hey. Wake up.” Rufus shook him. “It’s only a dream. Wake up.”

Sephiroth thrashed more violently. Rufus barely avoided taking a small but powerful fist to the face. He held his arms down as best he could, shaking him harder. After a while, Sephiroth’s eyes shot open. He was breathing hard and sweating lightly.

“It was only a bad dream.”

Sephiroth looked as uncertain as Rufus felt. He sat up shakily, rubbing his eyes. He looked around the room in confusion. As Rufus tried to reassure him, his belief that it was only a nightmare faded; the True Time Materia inside his shirt was growing cold, a sign that the continuum was shifting or the Whispers were watching. Had Sephiroth been having one of his night terrors, caused by Jenova’s cells allowing him to see her memories? The idea made Rufus’s blood run cold. He fetched the case of sedatives from the locked cabinet in Sephiroth’s bathroom. Not wanting to wake Amara, he prepared a syringe himself.

“No,” Sephiroth protested. “I don’t need that.”

His shaky voice and faraway eyes begged to differ. Rufus did not bother arguing. He turned the boy on his side, pulled his pajama bottoms down a bit, then plunged the syringe into his bottom. Sephiroth did not even flinch, though he frowned crossly at the indignity of it.

“You’ll be able to sleep better with this,” Rufus said. “Don’t worry, it’s not a full dose. Just enough to help you sleep without bad dreams, okay?”

Rufus ruffled his hair and disposed of the empty syringe. He went to leave but Sephiroth grabbed him by the sleeve. Whatever he had dreamt of, it had deeply disturbed him.

“Don’t go,” he begged childishly. “Don’t go. Stay with me.”

“You’re a little too old for—”

“ _Please_.”

Rufus wanted his own bed desperately but Sephiroth was too frightened to leave. He climbed into the boy’s bed beside him. Sephiroth put his arms around him and lay his head on his chest. Rufus put an arm around him and rubbed his back comfortingly.

“What did you dream?”

“It’s too awful.”

Rufus did not push it. A part of him did not want to know. His own head was full to the brim of dark visions. He held the boy and began to hum unconsciously. As he hummed, he recognized the song as an old aria from an opera his mother had favored. Rufus remembered only one line of it.

“I’m the darkness … you’re the stars … ”

Rufus murmured the words more than sang them. He remembered his mother’s voice and his throat tightened. The sedative drained the tension from Sephiroth’s body. He grew heavier but Rufus did not mind. He was only glad to see the frown fade from the boy’s face as his breathing grew steady. Slowly, his skin cooled.

Rufus intended to return to his own bed once Sephiroth was asleep but his own body would not move. He relaxed into the pillows and let his eyes fall shut. In moments, he was asleep.

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


The winter holiday ended too soon. Before he knew it, Rufus was once again at the helipad of Shinra Tower. Gus loaded his things into the back, trying to catch Amara’s eye. Amara just rolled her eyes at him. Sephiroth looked glum.

“I’ll be back next weekend for New Year’s Eve,” Rufus told the boy. “In the meantime, you can show your sword to your trainer. You’ll be using it soon, won’t you? When is your birthday?”

“I don’t know,” Sephiroth said. “Every year that passes, Hojo marks me a year older.”

“Going by that, you’ll be eleven next weekend, won’t you?” Rufus said. “So you’ll have a lot of new training to do with a real sword.”

“Yes.” Sephiroth nodded gravely, then bit his bottom lip. “But. I’ll miss you.”

 _He’s finally starting to express himself vocally,_ Rufus thought. _This must be how he behaved with that Professor Gast, before he was abandoned and made to shut his emotions away._

“I’ll miss you too, Sephiroth.” Rufus ruffled the boy’s hair. “Remember what you promised me.”

“Yes.”

“No fighting, all right?”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

Amara and Gus were arguing over nothing. Rufus’s new pup was escorted upstairs by its secondary handler. It bound by and Amara jumped straight into Gus. He didn’t have time to grin before she slapped the back of his head and pushed away from him. Rufus gave a shrill whistle.

“Darkstar!” he called the pup. “To me!”

The dog trotted neatly to his side. Rufus pointed inside the helicopter and it bounded up. Rufus climbed up after him and shut him in his travel carrier.

“Don’t like dogs?” Gus teased Amara.

“That’s no dog, that’s a monster.”

“That’s not nice,” Gus said. “There are great beasts even more impressive than that in the Canyon. They’re like guardians of the Planet or something.”

“So _you’re_ not afraid of Rufus’s new pet?”

“I didn’t say that,” Gus said, running a hand through his artfully disheveled black hair. “You can talk with the ones in the Canyon, at least.”

“They talk?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re lying.”

“No way!” Gus grinned. “I could introduce you. I’ll be going back to the Canyon for the New Year’s holiday. I’m sure you’ll have time off.”

“I won’t.”

“Not even on New Year’s?”

“No. I have to take care of the boys.”

“You ask me, those two can take care of themselves better than either of us ever could.”

Amara opened her mouth, shut it. He had a point.

“Number?”

“No.”

“S’allright,” Gus drawled. “I’ll be back to fly Rufus in on New Year’s Eve. See you soon, lady.”

Gus jumped into the helicopter’s pilot seat and strapped himself in. He put on his military cap, gave her the thumbs up sign. Amara turned her face, though her peevishness was insincere. Rufus jumped out of the helicopter and went to her. He handed her a box.

“Oh, you didn’t have to!”

“It’s more practical than anything. Open it.”

Amara opened the box. The latest model of mobile phone was inside, customized to her favorite color (green) and inscribed with her name on the back.

“It’s completely secure, like mine,” Rufus said. “My direct line is already pre-programmed in, so is Gus’s.”

“Rufus!”

“Not in case you want to take the initiative,” Rufus smirked, “but because he’s a Turk, and he’s loyal to me. I hope there’s no trouble that you can’t handle alone since you’re so capable, but if there is, you call him. You _can_ trust him.”

“Okay, that makes sense. Thank you, Rufus.”

“Like I said, it’s a practicality.”

Amara lifted the phone out of the box. She lifted the diamond-encrusted cat charm dangling from the headphone jack.

“And this?”

“You like cute things, right?”

“Thank you.”

Rufus waved off her gratitude.

“Just take care of Sephiroth for me.”

“I will.”

Rufus hugged Sephiroth one last time and then got into the helicopter. He reassured himself that there were only six more months of the school year left. After that, he would return to Midgar for good.

_It’s only six months, and I’ll be back sooner than that. Sephiroth promised me that he would stay out of trouble, and he has that sword to preoccupy him. He’s coping better with his night terrors, he woke up without going into a catatonic state and he only needed half a dose of sedative. He’s doing well. He’s happy._

Rufus took out his necklace and looked at the charm Amara had given him. The Planet that was here, now. He smiled and tucked it in his shirt again.

_That’s right. Time to look to the present, rather than the future. For now, at least._

  
  



	3. Memento III

[1991]

The rest of the school year passed without incident. Rufus graduated from the Shinra Military Academy’s primary education program, declining to enlist in their secondary years. He had already sent out applications to the best high schools in Midgar, although that was merely a formality; no school in Midgar would dare turn down the heir to Shinra, Inc..

Rufus was anxious to return to Midgar. Sephiroth had been a perfect, well, angel during the six months that Rufus was at school. Amara did note that the boys in the building continued to try to pick on him, but Sephiroth always allowed her to deal with them for him. He had kept his promise, to all appearances.

However, Rufus had his suspicions. Several of the boys that picked on Sephiroth had turned up with mysterious injuries over the past six months. One by one, they stopped commenting when the silver-haired boy passed by. Some of them avoided him altogether. Amara swore that she hardly ever let Sephiroth out of her sight, but Rufus knew how sneaky the boy could be.

Rufus could see the change in Sephiroth upon landing on the Shinra Tower’s private helipad. Now eleven, Sephiroth was practically Rufus’s height. His posture was straighter and his affection more reserved. He allowed only a half-hug and did not let Rufus take him by the hand. _How quickly they grow up,_ Rufus thought wryly.

“Sure you don’t want my number this time, lady?” Gus asked Amara.

“I already have it,” Amara said smugly. “I just haven’t used it. And don’t call me ‘lady’, you pig.”

“You have it? For how long?”

“Since the winter holiday.”

“And you haven’t called?”

“Nope.”

“That’s sad.”

“For you.”

Downstairs in the penthouse, Sephiroth warmed. He and Rufus talked about their time apart. Sephiroth was voluble about his training but hardly acknowledged the boys in the building that picked on him. When Rufus told him about their injuries, Sephiroth feigned ignorance.

Rufus decided to let the matter drop. Perhaps he was being too suspicious of Sephiroth due to his future knowledge. After the grueling year at school, he wanted nothing more than to take it easy during the summer.

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


Two weeks passed in lazy bliss. The weather was hot and clear, so the boys spent most of their time at the rooftop pool. Sephiroth could swim like a fish by now, and remain underwater for nearly three minutes, though Amara freaked out every time he was under that long. Rufus spent his time dozing in the sun to catch up on sleep, or training Darkstar to swim. He and the canine had become inseparable during their months shared at the Military Academy.

Rainy weather marked the start of the summer’s second month. Sephiroth spent his days in the gym, showing off his swordsmanship skills to Rufus. Rufus was chilled but amazed at how fluidly the boy wielded the katana. He favored his left hand but was learning to wield the blade with either one. His movements were so swift and elegant that they resembled a dance.

_How many lives will be taken by that blade when he joins the war effort in two years? Even before he graduates to his signature Masamune, how much blood will be on his hands?_

Rufus could not stand a third day watching Sephiroth train. It was still raining so they could not use the pool. Rufus demanded that they spend the day out on the town. He sent Amara out to fetch the car while they dressed for the street.

Rufus came into Sephiroth’s room as the boy was zippering up a long-sleeved jacket-shirt. Even in the summer, he preferred long sleeves, but often left his shirts open to mid-chest. He said that he moved better that way, which Rufus could not figure out. Rufus suspected the boy was vain of his body, beginning to fill out with muscle, but left him to it.

“You’ve amassed quite a wardrobe,” Rufus said. “Amara must have picked these green shirts out, right?”

“They bring out my eyes,” Sephiroth quoted her while rolling said eyes. “I have too many clothes but she keeps buying me stuff. She treats me like a doll sometimes.”

“She’s just being nice.”

“Is that what a mother would do?” Sephiroth asked. “Was your mother that way?”

“She certainly bought me a lot of clothes.”

“Hm.”

“It could be worse,” Rufus said. “I had to wear suits all the time when I was very young, for appearances and photographs and all kinds of events. You wouldn’t enjoy that, would you?”

“No!”

“Then be nice to Ms. Ami or I’ll tell her to buy you only suits and make you wear the ties.”

Sephiroth shuddered. He laced up his boots and they left. They left the penthouse and took the private elevator down to the ground floor. In the lobby, a stocky tow-headed boy approached them.

“So the prodigal son returns,” he said to Rufus. “And he’s got the local freak with him this time.”

“Johan, I see you’re as fat as ever,” Rufus said in a bored tone. “Get out of our way.”

“This is all muscle!” Johan snarled. “Let me try that little pet freak of yours and I’ll show you.”

“That would be very bad—for you,” Rufus said. “You’ve never even been able to beat me. You really think that you can take this kid on?”

“Why don’t we find out?” Johan said. “I won’t let you do to me what you did to the others, freak.”

“I never touched your stupid friends,” Sephiroth said coolly. “They should learn to be less clumsy.”

“You punk!”

“Enough.”

Amara had appeared from the revolving doors. She crossed her arms. Johan scowled at Sephiroth but got out of their way. With a hand on Sephiroth’s shoulder, Rufus swept out of the building. They got into the car and were on their way.

“What exactly did you do to ‘the others’?” Rufus asked Sephiroth. “No, don’t lie to me again. I know it was you. You promised me that you wouldn’t fight.”

“I never touched them.”

“What did you do, Sephiroth?”

Sephiroth crossed his arms defiantly. For the first time since their initial meeting, Rufus was irked by his attitude. This time, he was also hurt by the boy’s betrayal.

“I _may have_ set a few traps for them,” Sephiroth said. “But I kept my promise, I didn’t fight any of them. I didn’t even technically touch them.”

“Technically?”

“Pushing someone with a wooden sword isn’t touching.”

Rufus groaned, although it took an effort to stifle a laugh. _What am I supposed to do with this? He defied me, he knows damn well that he did, loopholes or not. Can I really blame him, though? Those boys are jerks, I’ve been fielding them my entire life. Just a year ago, if I could have pulled off something like whatever he did to them, I would have._

_But I’m not worried about those other kids. I’m worried about Sephiroth. He can’t think that he can do whatever he wants, hurt whoever he wants, with impunity. And if he stops respecting me now, he never will again._

“Sephiroth.” Rufus took him by the shoulders, his grip hard. “You promised me that you would behave. No, don’t try to talk your way out of this with loopholes or excuses or that flippant attitude of yours.”

“But—”

“I said, don’t talk back to me.” Rufus gave the boy a shake. “Sephiroth, listen to me. If anything had gone wrong, if you had been caught or the boys had gotten proof of your involvement, my father would send you back to Hojo. Do you understand? I thought that I made that clear before?”

“I was careful.”

“No matter how clever you are, things can always go wrong,” Rufus said. “If anything went wrong, you would go back, and I wouldn’t be allowed to see you. I don’t want that, do you?”

“No.”

“Then why would you take a risk like that?”

“It wasn’t a risk,” Sephiroth insisted. “Those boys won’t say anything and I _didn’t_ leave any proof. There were no cameras, I made sure. If that bastard Johan hadn’t said anything, you wouldn’t even know about it.”

Rufus was surprised by the seething hatred in the boy’s feline eyes. He had never heard him use such strong language before, either. His grip on Sephiroth’s arms tightened. Any other child would have been bruised by now but the boy did not even flinch.

“Never mind Johan, people like him aren’t worth bothering about,” Rufus said. “So you broke your promise to behave because you thought that you could get away with it? Is that it?”

Sephiroth’s mouth tightened into a thin line. He watched Rufus shrewdly. Still, there was no fear in his eyes. _That will have to change,_ Rufus realized. _Old Rufus was right, that inborn superiority complex is incredibly difficult to reign in._

They parked outside the movie theater. Rufus was still gripping Sephiroth by the arms. Amara turned in her seat to look at them, eyes nervous.

“Why don’t you go inside ahead of us, Amara,” Rufus said, not looking away from Sephiroth. “Get tickets to the movie that I told you about yesterday, some drinks, popcorn. We’ll be in in a minute.”

“Rufus—”

“ _Thank you_ , Amara.”

Amara exited the car. She lingered a moment then headed for the theater. The executive parking corner of the lot was empty at this hour. It was quiet save for the patter of the rain.

“You haven’t even apologized,” Rufus said. “Aren’t you sorry at all?”

“I didn’t mean for you to get upset.”

“That means that you’re only sorry you got caught,” Rufus said. “You’re not sorry you broke your promise to me at all, are you?”

Nothing.

“Well, you will be,” Rufus said. “Do you remember what I said the day we met? That if I ever punish you, you’ll know it?”

“Yeah—oh!”

Rufus swiftly pulled the boy over his knees. He was braced for a fight but Sephiroth was too stunned to resist. His jaw actually dropped and his eyes went wide. Rufus shoved down his fear and reservations. Before either of them could turn the situation around, he raised a hand and slapped it down on the boy’s upturned bottom. Sephiroth gave a small sound of surprise. Rufus struck him several more times before the shock gave way to outrage.

“What are you _doing_?” Sephiroth asked. “Rufus! I’m not a kid! How dare you!”

“How dare _I_?” Rufus echoed. “You’re the one that disobeyed me, Sephiroth. All I’ve done is try to protect you, and you broke the first promise I ever asked you to make. And you’re not even sorry.”

Sephiroth tried to force himself up but Rufus pushed him back down. He saw the boy’s hands ball into fists and his heart skipped a beat despite himself. Rufus gave his bottom another slap.

“Don’t you dare try to fight back,” Rufus warned. “My father’s favor will only go so far. I can have you sent back to Hojo. I can ruin your SOLDIER career before it even starts. So don’t you dare fight me.”

Sephiroth made a small scornful sound. He settled back down, crossing his arms and leaning his chin on them. He was still in a huff but resigned himself to the punishment. Rufus felt a little sorry for him but he resumed the spanking.

“I thought you were my friend,” Sephiroth sulked.

“I _am_ your friend. I’m only doing this because I’m your friend,” Rufus told him. “I don’t want you sent back to the lab at the Shinra Building. I don’t want you to get into trouble with my father or any other adults. I’m trying to protect you, Sephiroth, don’t you understand that?”

“I don’t need anyone to protect me.”

“No, not from others,” Rufus said. “But what about yourself?”

“Myself?”

“That’s right. I want to protect you from making bad choices and breaking promises, from destroying things.”

“You’ve been wanting to do this since I broke that training dummy, haven’t you?”

“I don’t care about that or about those other boys,” Rufus said wearily. “I care about _you_ , Sephiroth. And if I have to punish you to make you realize that, then so be it.”

Sephiroth sighed in frustration but did not move. Rufus did not like how unaffected he was by the spanking. Despite his outrage, his voice was steady and calm. He seemed determined to wait the thing out patiently, as if suffering some silly whim of Rufus’s.

 _That won’t do,_ Rufus thought. Deciding to finish humiliating the boy, he tugged down the back of his pants and his briefs. Sephiroth started but Rufus pushed him back down. Blushing furiously, Sephiroth buried his face in his folded arms. Rufus was not exactly surprised that the boy’s backside was totally unmarked. _Time to fix that._

It took quite a while to ‘fix’ it. Rufus was not out to hurt the boy too much but it took more force than he anticipated to redden his bottom. Sephiroth lay motionless, he did not even squirm. _I know Old Rufus said his musculature is tougher than a normal human’s, but this is ridiculous. My palm is hurting and my arm is tired._

Rufus gave up on the boy at last. He pulled his clothes back up and gave his bottom one last slap.

“All right. Up.”

Sephiroth lifted his head. He unfolded his arms and pushed himself up slowly. He was very sulky but his eyes were dry. His deep scarlet face made it plain that his pride had been stung worse than his bottom.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Rufus chuckled. “You know you earned that.”

“I’m not a kid,” Sephiroth protested. “Even if I was, no one … no one’s ever spanked me before.”

“Well, I hope it teaches you not to break your promises to me,” Rufus said. “Now let’s try this again. Do you promise me that you won’t cause any more trouble? No more setting traps for people or hurting anyone. If you have a problem with someone, you tell Ms. Ami or me. All right? Can you promise me that and keep your word this time?”

“Fine. I promise.”

Rufus ruffled his hair but Sephiroth’s frown remained intense as ever. Rufus put an arm around his shoulders. Sephiroth pulled back.

“Don’t be like that,” Rufus said. “You deserved it, I doubt it hurt much, and you’re not even crying. Now come on. Let’s go watch a movie.”

Rufus expected Sephiroth to protest but he didn’t. Rufus got out of the car and the boy followed. They hurried through the rain and into the theater. Amara was relieved to see them. Sensing Sephiroth’s sullenness, she was especially gentle with him. Sephiroth totally ignored her.

Thankfully, Amara had chosen an action movie. Sephiroth was excited enough by it to end his moping. He even ate some of his popcorn. By the end, he had recovered from the punishment entirely.

 _Was that a little too quick? Well, there’s nothing wrong with resilience,_ Rufus thought. _Still. He didn’t even come close to crying._

The rain had cleared by the time they left the theater, so the three of them went for a walk in the park. Amara let the boys go on ahead, knowing they preferred privacy when together.

“Does it hurt?” Rufus asked.

“Hm? Oh, that. Stings a little.” Sephiroth looked up at him curiously. “Rufus, why did you spank me?”

“Because you broke your promise and disobeyed me.”

“I mean, why _that_?” Sephiroth clarified impatiently. “Most kids the same age fight.”

_Because I wouldn’t win in a fight against you._

“Why fight when you’ve already won?” Rufus said. “I told you before, you belong to Shinra, and I **am** Shinra. Besides, I _am_ older than you. Friends or not, you owe me respect.”

“I respect you, Rufus.”

“Then you’ll respect what I say,” Rufus said. “Won’t you?”

“Yes. So you won’t do _that_ again, will you?”

“If I have to, I will.”

Sephiroth’s downward twitch of the mouth gave Rufus some satisfaction. _So, the spanking was more unpleasant than he let on,_ Rufus noted. _That’s good. I only hope it’s enough of a deterrent to keep him out of trouble. I only have two years before he joins SOLDIER. I have to make certain that he respects me and knows his boundaries before then. If not, he’ll be lost to me._


	4. Memento IV

[1992]

As Old Rufus Shinra predicted, war broke out between Shinra, Inc. and the anti-Shinra nation of Wutai that year. Too young to persuade his father against the war, Rufus could only watch as the might of Shinra was channeled into Midgar’s war industry. Sephiroth watched coverage of the war with intense interest. His tutor began training him specifically for the SOLDIER Assessment Test.

As autumn dawned, Sephiroth began to grow restless. He felt that he had trained all that he could. He wanted to take the Assessment Test as soon as possible and join the ranks of SOLDIER. Rufus insisted that he was too young. Sephiroth, now twelve, fell into a brooding, taciturn mood.

“Should he be allowed into SOLDIER even at thirteen, though?” Amara asked Rufus one day. “I know that he’s gotten that tall but he’s still a child. Sometimes he isn’t even as emotionally stable as he should be by this age.”

Today, Amara and Rufus were out shopping for school supplies. Last year, Rufus had been accepted into the prestigious Shinra Preparatory School of Midgar, naturally, but as always his mind was focused on Sephiroth. His best friend and ward had stayed home due to a training lesson scheduled for the afternoon.

“That’s how his mind works, it has nothing to do with maturity or immaturity,” Rufus said. “As for joining SOLDIER, what can I do? He’s been waiting his entire life to join; if I took that away from him now, he would hate me. Besides, despite what I’ve threatened him with, I _can’t_ keep him from SOLDIER. There is no way that my father would allow all these years of tests and training go to waste. Sephiroth is too valuable to the company.”

“He’s only a boy,” Amara said softly. “This feels so wrong.”

“Sephiroth is going to lead a new generation of SOLDIER during this war,” Rufus said. “The entire SOLDIER project started shortly after Jenova was discovered. The force has grown _with_ Sephiroth, and now it’s time to test both the new Jenova-infused SOLDIER force and the first Jenova-infused hybrid, Sephiroth. We always knew that his role in history was inevitable, Amara.”

“I know, but it’s difficult to witness,” Amara said. “It is a relief that he will be safe physically, but what about emotionally? He’s changed in our continuum, _you’ve_ changed him. We don’t know how he will deal with going to war.”

“No, but he’s tough,” Rufus said. “I’m more worried about his ego. He’s behaved himself more or less this past year, but I won’t be there with him in Wutai. I doubt his superiors will be able to restrain him much. We’ve both taught him all that we can. I’m just not sure he’s ready to be given that much freedom yet.”

“Neither am I,” Amara said. “He’s been so full of angst since the war started, and lately it’s gotten even worse. He hardly says two words to me on any given day, he’s taken to locking himself in his room for hours. He’s almost thirteen, so I guess it’s natural, but how will that attitude translate when he’s a soldier?”

“He’ll probably be excited enough to reign it in,” Rufus said. “He can have amazing self-control—when he _wants_ to. The rest of the time, he’s an arrogant brat. I don’t know, Amara. Did I do the right thing? I expected taking him in to soften him but it’s only given him even more entitlement. You and I are always catering to him. My father treats him better than he does me sometimes, and that’s made Sephiroth even more proud. He’s a _spoiled_ arrogant brat now. Should I have left him in Hojo’s lab? Have I made things worse?”

“He knows that he’s loved,” Amara said. “If anything will save him, it has to be that. No, Rufus, I think we’ve done right by him. At least he expresses himself now, even if it is in anger. You remember how shy and emotionally stunted he was at first. He would be far worse off if he had remained growing up like that.”

“That’s true,” Rufus said. “I just feel that I haven’t done enough to make an impression on him.”

“Yes you have,” Amara said. “He loves you, Rufus. He’s still shy about it but I have no doubt whatsoever that he loves you.”

“I hope so.”

“He does, trust me. He does.”

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


Autumn passed and winter came. As the cold deepened, so did Sephiroth’s sulk. Even Rufus could hardly get a response from him. He followed the news obsessively, training alone in the gym even harder than before. As he neared thirteen, the last of his baby fat melted away. His tall slim body began to develop an adult’s muscle tone. He was becoming more and more like the man who would one day be dubbed the “One-Winged Angel” on the battlefield.

 _I miss the little Sephiroth,_ Rufus thought. _I miss being there for him. I miss holding his hand and guiding him through an unfamiliar world. I miss feeling that I have to protect him. Now he glides through the world without being touched by it, and I feel that I have to protect the world from_ him _. This must be how Hojo felt that day when we met and he hovered over him, trying to keep him from fighting with me. Has Sephiroth come to regard me as a useless annoyance, the way he did Hojo? Is there anything left of that little boy in him?_

Not one to be dismissed, Rufus decided to break through Sephiroth’s dark mood one way or the other. On the first morning of winter break, he went to Sephiroth’s door and knocked on it. When he was ignored, he used his master key to unlock the door and barge in. For a moment, he expected an unsightly scene, but there was none. Sephiroth was simply lying on his stomach in bed, reading a newspaper. He looked up with narrowed eyes.

“What do you want?”

Sephiroth’s voice was no longer childish but it was not deepening or breaking just yet. By now, his silken silver hair fell down to his waist. Although his limbs were long, he never looked gangling or awkward. He was growing past the cute beauty of his childhood and into the beauty of maturity. At the same time, his beauty was so striking that it was becoming less and less human.

“Enough moping around whining about the war,” Rufus said. He snatched the newspapers from the bed, folded them, and put them on the desk. “You’ll be thirteen in a few weeks. My father and Heidegger are discussing lowering the age limit for the SOLDIER Assessment Test. You’ll most likely be joining the ranks next year.”

Sephiroth blinked at Rufus. He seemed skeptical. Rufus took him by the shoulders and tried to pull him out of bed. The youth did not budge.

“Did you hear what I said?” Rufus asked. “You’re going to get what you want, you only have to wait a little while longer. So stop sulking and let’s go do something. Get up.”

Sephiroth sat up and stood from the bed. Rufus had expected him to be elated but he was still very quiet. Nonetheless, he put on his boots and coat and followed Rufus out. Even in the elevator, he did not offer a single word. The silence began to fray Rufus’s nerves.

As luck would have it, they ran into the lifelong bully Johan in the lobby. Somewhere along the line he really had willed his fat into muscle and he had a couple of inches of height over Sephiroth. Rufus knew for a fact that his family was doing poorly and may have to move out of the Shinra Tower soon; this explained why the teen’s face was twisted into an uglier scowl than ever.

“Rufus Shinra and his freak of a boyfriend, huh?” Johan said derisively. “Going off to make out somewhere?”

Rufus ignored him but Sephiroth stopped in his tracks. Rufus inhaled a deep breath. He could have sworn Sephiroth had learned to ignore Johan and his type by now. Sephiroth glared at the taller, older youth. He was blushing faintly.

“Sephiroth,” Rufus called. “Let’s go.”

Sephiroth stepped up to Johan and said something very quickly. Rufus did not catch it but he hurried over. By the time he reached Sephiroth, he had stepped back from Johan passively. Johan smiled triumphantly. He gave a small “hmph” and stomped off.

“What did you tell him?” Rufus demanded. “What did you say?”

“Nothing.”

“Sephiroth, I warned you about fighting.”

“I’m not going to fight him.”

“Then what did you say?”

“Nothing.”

Rufus did not like this development but gave up. He needed to get Sephiroth talking normally to him before he could pry. They left the building, Sephiroth walking farther apart from Rufus than usual.

_I really miss the old Sephiroth._

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


Try as he might, Rufus could not get through to Sephiroth. They spent the day out and did various things, but Sephiroth remained aloof. Rufus felt him slipping further and further away. He was depressed by the time they returned home.

A few days passed. Then came news that turned Rufus’s melancholy to fury. Johan had been found in an alley, beaten unconscious after what he later declared a mugging. After Sephiroth’s stealthy takedown of his bullies a year back, Rufus no longer believed in coincidences. He was certain that Sephiroth had managed to arrange a fight with his antagonist, and won.

It took much effort but Rufus managed to quell his anger for another day. He waited until Amara was out, the servants were out, and he and Sephiroth had the apartment to themselves. Then, he barged into Sephiroth’s room unannounced.

Sephiroth was lazily sprawled out in bed. The television was turned to the news but he was not paying it much mind. He looked bored, head and arms hanging off the end of his bed, hair falling in wisps around his face. Rufus turned the TV off and glared down at him. Only Sephiroth’s eyes turned upwards to meet his gaze.

“A concussion. Facial contusions. Two broken ribs, a fractured ulna, and a shattered tibia.”

“Am I supposed to know what you’re talking about?” Sephiroth asked.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about, it’s what you did to that Johan,” Rufus fumed. “That was no mugging. You had him meet you somewhere for a fight, and you destroyed him. Don’t bother denying it, don’t bother saying it was nothing.”

“All right, I won’t. Why should you care?” Sephiroth rolled onto his back, hair twining around him. His eyes did not leave Rufus’s. “I don’t interfere with your life, so don’t interfere with mine.”

“You don’t interfere with my life? You _are_ my life!” Rufus yelled at him. “All I do is worry about you!”

“That isn’t all,” Sephiroth said. “Go hang out with your friends or that new girlfriend you have. Leave me alone.”

Rufus lost his track for a moment. Was that jealousy? He shook it out of his mind. He had to deal with the boy’s disobedience first.

“And ignore the fact that you broke your promise to me _again_?” Rufus said. “That you did exactly what I told you not to do _again_? I should report this to father. You’ll _never_ join SOLDIER if—”

“There’s no way that I won’t be joining SOLDIER,” Sephiroth said smugly. “Your father already told me that. I could murder someone in the middle of Midgar, and I would still be put in SOLDIER. They won’t waste so many years of training by keeping me out of it, especially not with this war.”

“So, you’ve figured that much out,” Rufus said. “Fine. You’re right, I can’t stop you from joining SOLDIER. But I _can_ take away this room, your place here, all of it.”

“So what? I never needed all these things,” Sephiroth said. “When I’m in SOLDIER, I’ll be able to get my own apartment, if I want to. Or I'll live in the barracks with the others. I won't be here very much longer, either way.”

“You ungrateful brat,” Rufus said bitterly.

Sephiroth shrugged. He shut his eyes. At a loss, Rufus thought furiously. Coming up with nothing that he could hold over him, he resorted to pure violence. He took Sephiroth by his long hair and pulled him up. Sephiroth winced, scrambling to sit up. Rufus dragged him to his desk, sitting down on the chair.

“Do you really want to lose all of this, Sephiroth?” Rufus asked. “I have one more card to play: Johan. If I make him, he’ll report you to the police. My father will cover it up, of course, and you’ll be sent off to your precious SOLDIER. But you won’t ever be allowed in here again. You won’t ever see me or Amara again. You’ll be _just_ a SOLDIER, do you understand? No more special treatment. No more protection from Hojo and all his tests. He’ll be able to lock you up in his lab again when you’re not on the battlefield, do you really want that?”

Sephiroth hesitated. A trace of his childhood self resurfaced as he bit his bottom lip. Rufus tugged him by the arm.

“You do what I say or I’ll let Hojo do anything he wants to you,” Rufus said. “Don’t you think he’ll be happy to perform more tests on you, now that you’re growing up? Come on.”

Sephiroth scowled but allowed himself to be pulled over Rufus’s lap. Rufus released his hair and briskly bared the youth’s backside. As when he was younger, Sephiroth was determined to wait the punishment out in mortified silence.

 _Not this time,_ Rufus thought. He brought his palm down hard on the youth’s bottom. _This time, I have to get through to him once and for all. Old Rufus Shinra said that sometimes only corporal punishment can get through to him. I had hoped not to resort to this but he’s infuriatingly stubborn._

Rufus spanked Sephiroth with full force until his palm began to ache. This time, the youth did squirm, just slightly. He went to get up when Rufus paused but Rufus placed a hand on his back to hold him down. He reached over to the desk and picked up the heavy wood-backed hairbrush that Amara used to use to brush the boy’s hair. _This will do._

Sephiroth actually flinched upon being struck with the wooden side of the brush. He glanced over his shoulder, hair framing his sharpening profile. Rufus caught his eye and deliberately whacked him again. Sephiroth’s face turned a deeper shade of red. He bowed his head, hair obscuring his expression.

Rufus felt a little sorry for him but he did not relent. After so many weeks of apathy, he wanted to make Sephiroth _feel_ something again, anything, even if it hurt. He could not bear to lose his grip on Sephiroth now, to lose everything they had built together. Worse, he was deadly afraid of Sephiroth losing his humanity. A dose of humility should bring him around, Rufus figured, otherwise he didn’t know what he would do.

The paddling lasted far past twenty minutes. Rufus’s arm was tired but he refused to let up. Sephiroth’s bottom was bright red, patches deepening to a purplish-scarlet hue. It was gratifying to see that he was not invulnerable after all, but Rufus wished he would say something or cry out.

Then, a small, soft gasp caught Rufus’s attention. He slowed the spanks to a stop. In the silence, he realized that Sephiroth _was_ crying, but quietly. Rufus gave him one last round of hard smacks and then set the brush down on the desk.

“All right, that’s enough,” he said. “You can get up.”

Sephiroth instead slid off his knees to the floor. He covered his face with both hands, shoulders heaving. Rufus sat on the floor beside him, partly guilty and partly appeased. He drew the boy into his arms. Sephiroth threw his arms around his neck, sobbing softly into his shirt.

“Shhh, it’s all right. It’s all right, it’s over now.” Rufus drew the boy away a little, holding his face by the chin. “But why have you been so angry lately, Sephiroth? I thought all you wanted was to join SOLDIER, but all you have to do is wait a little while longer.”

Sephiroth shook his head, drawing a shuddering breath. Rufus had rarely seen those green eyes so full of tears before. The boy’s face was still flushed brightly and his hair was sticking to his cheeks. _He looks like a little boy again,_ Rufus thought. _It won’t be long before he never looks this vulnerable again._

“If that isn’t it, what is it?”

“You,” Sephiroth said shakily. “You—You don’t need me anymore. You have your older friends and your girlfriend. Your father says that you’ll—you’ll get married in a few years, and-and move away somewhere. He said you’ll want to stake your own claim somewhere else before you inherit the—the company.”

“He said that, did he?” Rufus said dryly. “Sephiroth, I told you, you can’t listen to my old man. He doesn’t know me that well. I’m certainly _not_ going to get married anytime soon and I’m _not_ leaving Midgar.”

“But your new friends, your girlfriend—”

“I told you before about how important appearances are,” Rufus said. “Remember? The image of perfection that’s so important to maintain, even when you can’t be as perfect as you’d like to genuinely?”

“Yes, I remember.”

“I’m fifteen, almost sixteen,” Rufus said. “If I wasn’t dating, the press would be gossiping about me. The kids at school would be hassling me. I don’t care about any of my girlfriends, it’s all for show.”

“But … you enjoy being with them, don’t you?” Sephiroth asked. “You enjoy … _them_. Don’t you?”

“If you mean intimately, yes, sometimes,” Rufus said. “Does that bother you?”

Sephiroth swallowed, lowered his eyes. His blush had cooled but now it deepened again. Rufus chuckled, holding him close and running a hand over his head.

“I don’t want you to fall in love and get married and leave,” Sephiroth said. “I know that I’ll be busy in SOLDIER, but … I don’t want that.”

“You want all the attention for yourself, don’t you?” Rufus mused. “We have spoiled you, haven’t we? Did you really beat up that guy so badly just because you’ve been jealous of my social life?”

Sephiroth buried his face in Rufus’s shirt. Rufus stroked his back comfortingly, though he was perturbed. _So this is the petty side of him that could burn down an entire town during a tantrum. I have a feeling it’s going to take a lot more discipline to adequately tame this part of him. Oh dear._

“Well, I don’t love any of those kids from school,” Rufus assured the boy. “I shouldn’t be placating you but it’s the truth. I only love you, you selfish little brat.”

Sephiroth lifted his face again.

“Do you really love me?”

“Yes. Of course I do.”

‘ _I never loved anyone_ but _him.’_

Sephiroth leaned forward and kissed Rufus’s cheek. It was a childish, sweet kiss. He went to kiss his mouth but Rufus stopped him with his fingers pressed to the boy’s lips.

“No, no,” he said. “You’re far too young for that. You’re almost thirteen, I suppose the hormones are hitting you early. You have a crush on me and you’re confused, that’s all.”

“No,” Sephiroth said. “I love you, Rufus. I really do love you.”

The words twisted Rufus’s heart. He hugged the boy closely, granting him a kiss on the side of his head. He felt nothing for him sexually, despite the romantic shadings in Old Rufus’s journals. He still wanted what he had always wanted: to protect the strange, special child.

Sephiroth let the issue drop, content to settle into Rufus’s arms. Rufus soothed him until the worst of his crying stopped. Then he lifted Sephiroth to his feet. Sephiroth sheepishly straightened his pants. Rufus took out a handkerchief and dried his face for him. He led him to his bed, where Sephiroth lay down far less nonchalantly than he had been forty minutes ago. Rufus sat on the edge of the bed, a hand on his shoulder.

“What should I tell you?” he wondered. “You’ve been scolded and spanked. Should I make you promise to behave for a third time? With your going to join SOLDIER soon, I don’t see much point in that. Besides, you’ve practically taken down every bully in this building by now.”

Sephiroth smiled a little bit, proud despite the consequences. Rufus gave him a look and he hid his mouth in his folded arms. Rufus stroked his long hair, then lifted his face in both hands.

“You will behave in SOLDIER, won’t you?” he asked. “You won’t do anything to embarrass the Shinra family’s support or ruin your career?”

“No, of course not. I promise.”

“Your promises don’t mean very much to me anymore, Sephiroth.”

Sephiroth lowered his gaze ruefully.

“But I appreciate the sentiment,” Rufus said. “No, I don’t think that you’ll be foolish enough to misbehave in SOLDIER. You’ll learn more discipline and self-control there than I could ever teach you. But remember that I _will_ be here in Midgar. Not only will I always be your friend, Sephiroth—if you misbehave again, I will hear about it. Understand?”

Sephiroth scrutinized him for a long moment, not blinking. Rufus met his gaze evenly. Whatever Sephiroth saw in his blue gaze seemed to please him. He nodded.

“I understand.”

Rufus ruffled his hair. _So he respects me again, at least for now. In a way, it is like training my guard dogs; he needs a strong hand wielded by someone that refuses to fear him. He’s young and has already dismissed most of my threats, though. How will I get him to submit when he’s older? Even now, if I had been forced to physically take him over, I couldn’t have done it. Maybe it’s best that he does go to SOLDIER soon. I need time to think about my options._

“Does it hurt?” Rufus asked curiously.

“You sound like Hojo,” Sephiroth grumbled. “ _Yes_.”

Rufus climbed onto the bed, pushing Sephiroth over. He turned on the television, deciding to keep the boy company for a while. Sephiroth was thoughtful but no longer moody. He half-watched the television, a hand possessively on Rufus’s knee.

 _He never had anyone show him kindness other than Professor Gast,_ Rufus thought. _Gast abandoned him without a goodbye. All this time, he’s been afraid that I’ll do the same. The age difference between us is most striking now that I’m a teenager and he’s still a boy. I’ve been at home less evenings than usual. He knows that I’m dating girls and that’s confused him. Then my idiot father tells the poor kid that I’m going to get married and leave Midgar while he’s away in SOLDIER. I wish he would have simply come talk to me about his feelings rather than take out his anger on that Johan. I suppose Sephiroth’s still a little unused to expressing his feelings in words, especially when they’re confusing even to him. I’ll have to keep him in line while also making sure he knows that I won’t ever abandon him. He’s more demanding than I expected. But I’ll make it right. I’ll keep him safe, from the world and from himself._

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


Rufus took pains to stay home the next few nights. Later, he was obligated to go out to a winter party with friends, but did not stay with them long. Afterward, he called a friend that was noticeably absent from the festivities. They met up at the park where Rufus had once broken down and embraced Sephiroth for the first time.

“Oh? You came.”

A young man named Tseng stepped into the glow of a park light. He was tall, svelte, and exquisitely beautiful. Tonight, given the cold, he had left his shoulder-length black hair loose in glossy sheets around his face. His long eyes looked Rufus up and down. He took a drag on a cigarette.

“Of course I came,” Rufus said. “I missed you at the party. You didn’t miss anything special, though.”

“I wasn’t invited.”

“Why?”

“You know why.”

Rufus came up to him. Smoke drifted from Tseng’s fine mouth, melding with the mist of Rufus’s breath on the cold air. _Tseng, future member and, later, leader of the Turks,_ Rufus thought. _I was surprised to see him at school. I had only read about him in Old Rufus Shinra’s journals: he turned out to be Old Rufus’s right-hand man, a lifelong loyal member of Shinra even after Shinra fell. He saw Old Rufus through his recovery after Midgar’s wreck, and through his lifelong Geostigma battle. It took some effort to befriend him, he’s not antisocial but he’s very studious and quiet. I don’t know what fate will lead him to join the Turks, but currently he’s studying for medical school. He wishes to be a doctor._

“Don’t tell me this is about the war,” Rufus said. “Didn’t you say that your family moved to Midgar decades ago?”

“Does it matter?” Tseng pointed out, matter-of-fact. “My family is from Wutai. Midgar is at war with Wutai. I won’t be welcome in any circles now. I was surprised that you called me, of all people.”

“Because I’m a Shinra?”

“That’s right.” Tseng took a drag on his cigarette and exhaled. “The Shinra Bank of Midgar has called in my family’s debts. I can’t continue in school.”

“I could—”

Tseng held up a hand. Rufus had expected his reaction and said nothing further.

“No, I wouldn’t accept charity even if you offered,” he said. “Thank you, but no. With our debt, normally we would not be able to stay in Midgar—not on the Plate, anyway. However, I’ve been given an offer—an offer by the head of Administrative Research, Veld. He thinks that I should take the Administrative Research Assessment Exam.”

 _So this is how he ends up in the Turks,_ Rufus thought. _Such a petty little twist of fate, but it’s going to change both our lives._

“Is that what you want?” Rufus asked. “To be in the Turks?”

“It is the best option for my family,” Tseng said. “We will be able to stay in Midgar. I will be financially independent. The danger doesn’t bother me. As for fighting, martial arts have been a lifestyle for me since I was a young child. Only fools consider wants before needs.”

“That’s true.”

The park was quiet at this late hour. The two young men walked down the snow-lined paths, breaths and smoke trailing them. Rufus put his hands in his white coat’s pockets to keep the growing chill away. Tseng seemed fine in his heavy sweater, throat protected by a fine cashmere scarf. He finished his cigarette and lit another one. Rufus had never seen him smoke before. As cool as Tseng was, Rufus could tell his personal situation was bothering him.

“I expected you to object,” Tseng said. “Granted, the Turks don’t have the highest hiring standards, but still. Shinra would hire a man whose family comes from Wutai, in this war climate?”

“Where your family is originally from is irrelevant.”

“Perhaps. But how do you know that I’m _not_ a Wutai spy?”

Tseng smiled slyly at Rufus. Rufus just smirked.

“Are you?”

“No.”

“That’s enough for me.”

For the first time, surprised rippled lightly through Tseng’s features. He stopped walking, staring at Rufus. He smiled, emotion lighting his rich brown eyes. He let the cigarette drop and snuffed it out with his boot.

“Thank you, Rufus.”

“I wish you luck, Tseng.”

Rufus extended his hand and Tseng shook it. The handshake broke off when Rufus sneezed. Tseng gave a small amused sound. He unwound his scarf and wrapped it around Rufus’s neck.

“You catch cold every winter around this time,” he said. “I told you to protect you neck and head, didn’t I?”

 _He would have made a good doctor,_ Rufus thought. He ran his hand over the scarf’s soft fabric. _But he will make a better Turk. And I will need him._

“Thank you,” Rufus said. “I’ll give it back.”

“No, keep it,” Tseng said. “We’re not so destitute that a scarf will be sorely missed.”

“Heh.”

“It’s gotten pretty cold,” Tseng said. “We should get home.”

“I don’t mind,” Rufus said. “The party was exhausting. It’s good to be out with a real friend instead of those tiresome brats from school.”

“That’s some way to talk about your peers.”

“You’re going to be a Turks and I’m a Shinra,” Rufus said. “They’re no peers of ours.”

Tseng smiled, did not deny it.

“Why don’t you come over to my apartment?” Tseng offered. “I could use a drink. You should have something to warm you up before you get sick. Unless you think I’ll kidnap the Shinra heir for Wutai?”

The bitterness had seeped through just a bit. Rufus put a hand on Tseng’s shoulder.

“Stop that,” Rufus said. “I told you, I trust you. Of course I’ll come.”

Tseng’s expression softened. Rufus’s grip on his shoulder tightened. A spark stirred inside Rufus, one he had never felt before. His eyes went from Tseng’s almond-shaped dark eyes, so dark they were almost black, to his smooth lips. Tseng frowned inquisitively.

Rufus moved closer, until he could smell Tseng’s cologne. Despite the cold, he felt warm, and his face was burning. They had steadily been growing closer but suddenly their friendship was inadequate to Rufus. He had been so preoccupied with Sephiroth that it had taken this long for him to realize the simmering attraction between them. Now his body moved before he could think.

Rufus brought his lips to Tseng’s mouth. Tseng’s eyes widened then closed. He put his arms around the young heir, returning the kiss smoothly.

Rufus turned his face out of the kiss all too soon. He sniffed and then sneezed again. Tseng laughed and patted a hand down on his head.

“Let’s go before you catch your death.”

“Oh. Yeah.”

Rufus was unused to being taken care of. Normally he would have fought against being told what to do but Tseng’s manner was gentle. He followed the dark-haired man to his motorcycle on the street outside the park. The bike was as sleek as Tseng was, gleaming black steel. Tseng climbed on and Rufus got on behind him. He put his arms around the man’s slim waist and they were off.

 _Midgar is beautiful at night,_ Rufus thought as the city of lights streaked by. He glimpsed the billboard screens and holiday lights, people walking to and fro in their indifferent manner. Couples kissed under the mistletoe hung in business doorways, parents carried tired children home, groups of youths stumbled out of the bars laughing. _Even if this artificial light won’t last into the future, I can’t let this city be destroyed. I’ll find a way to salvage its heart, with or without Mako Energy. I have to._

Tseng parked outside his building in Sector 4. Although his parents lived in the same building, Tseng had his own apartment several floors down from them. Rufus had been by a few times before but only briefly. Now he felt that he was seeing the place for the first time: its clean, modern black steel and glass furniture, the few antique accents that spoke of his Wutai heritage, the lush green plants that he cared for, all of medicinal use. Tseng turned up the thermostat as Rufus pulled off his coat. He left the gifted scarf with it on the coat rack.

Rufus felt unnaturally shy in the man’s apartment suddenly. He lingered close to Tseng, who ran a hand through his hair. Rufus went to kiss him but had to turn away to sneeze again. _Of all the times to catch cold!_

“I’ll make tea,” Tseng said. “Why don’t you sit down. There’s a blanket on the sofa.”

Rufus agreed, mortified. He went to the living room and sat down on the sofa, wrapping himself in the heavy woven blanket. Tseng soon appeared with mugs of strong-smelling tea, handing one to Rufus.

“It’s bitter but that should clear your congestion,” Tseng said. “Warm enough?”

“Yeah.” Rufus rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I didn’t realize that I was getting sick. I hope I didn’t give you my cold.”

“I have a strong immune system,” Tseng said. He sipped his tea. “You, on the other hand, don’t take care of yourself properly. I’ve seen you in school, sometimes you look like you’ve been running yourself ragged. You have that look tonight, too.”

“Well, I’ve been dealing with some family issues,” Rufus admitted. “Our ward, Sephiroth, is a difficult boy to raise, to say the least.”

_Not to mention that I have to plan a future where neither AVALANCHE, Sephiroth, or the Mako Reactors themselves destroy the Planet. All while keeping my grades above average so that I can graduate as soon as possible and take my place at Shinra, Inc.. It would be good to have another person to share that with, someone my own age, but I can’t. How could I? When I met Tseng, what could I say? Could I tell him he would never be a doctor? How useless and hateful would that be? This is probably the reason people used to execute prophets in ancient times._

“You’ve mentioned Sephiroth many times,” Tseng said. “Every time you do, your eyes get that look.”

“A look?”

Tseng turned Rufus’s face towards his own, his palm warm against Rufus’s cheek. Rufus licked his lips and drew a small breath. _No one has ever been so gentle with me before. So caring. Not that I remember, anyway. Women fawn over me but this is different. This is … confounding._

“That look your eyes had just now,” Tseng said. “Faraway but not empty. Like you’re contemplating some other world.”

Rufus’s eyes widened and he turned his face, blushing. _This man is too perceptive. I’ll have to be careful that he doesn’t guess too much. Fortunately,_ no one _could guess the secrets I hold._

Tseng’s lips met his temple, making him shiver.

“That look,” Tseng said. His fingers traced Rufus’s lips. “And your mouth gets very thin. You look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, sometimes. I always wondered about that look.”

“There are things that I can’t really explain,” Rufus said. “The company, and my family.”

“I wasn’t prying,” Tseng said. “I don’t need to know. Even if I did, I can’t even change my own fate—I doubt that I could change the situation of the heir of Shinra, Inc..”

“Oh.”

“What I’m trying to say is, I always wanted to ease that frown a little.” Tseng smoothed Rufus’s furrowed brow with his fingers, kissed the center of his forehead. “I don’t know why you sought me out in the beginning, but … I’m glad that you did.”

Tseng kissed him deeply. Rufus nearly dropped his mug but Tseng secured it in his hand without looking. Rufus was breathless when he pulled away.

“Now finish your tea,” Tseng said. “Let someone take care of you for once, heir of Shinra.”

The tea cleared his sinuses but made him drowsy. He intended to rest his eyes for a few minutes, but fell fast asleep.

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


Rufus awoke two hours past midnight. Tseng had fallen asleep on the sofa opposite him, his hand casually resting on Rufus’s knee. The gesture reminded Rufus of Sephiroth.

 _He will notice that I didn’t come home tonight,_ Rufus thought. _He won’t be happy about it, either. But Amara and I_ have _spoiled him. I won’t excuse it away. He can’t go on expecting to take up all of my time. I hadn’t realized how much of my life I’ve devoted to that boy. I love him and I don’t regret it. But I haven’t had anything for myself before this. Whatever time I’m not devoting to Sephiroth, I’m using to plan the future, maintain my grades, or maintain my public image. No wonder I’m exhausted. Amara has told me to take care of myself, but no one else has even noticed … except Tseng._

Rufus crawled over Tseng on the sofa and kissed him. Tseng murmured sleepily, kissing him back softly. He stretched his arms and opened his eyes. Finding Rufus on hand and knee above him made him chuckle.

“Bit early, isn’t it?” he said. “You’re not leaving already?”

“I probably should.”

“You’ll get sick, going out at this hour in the cold.” Tseng put his arms around Rufus’s neck. “In fact, this room has gotten a chill. My bed is much warmer.”

“Telling the heir of Shinra what to do, are you?”

“No.” Tseng kissed him lightly. “I’m telling _you_ what to do, Rufus.”

Tseng stood up from the sofa and lifted Rufus up with him. They were of a height but Tseng managed to sling Rufus over his shoulder effortlessly. He felt the blood well in his face as Tseng rested a hand on his buttocks.

“H-hey!”

Tseng ignored him. He carried him the short distance to his bedroom and lay him down on his bed. He removed his sweater, revealing lean, hard muscles beneath his porcelain skin. There was not an ounce of excess fat on the man. Rufus sat up and reached out for him. He kissed his neck, letting his hands wander the other man’s body. Tseng’s skin flushed light rose as he unbuckled his belt and opened his fly. Rufus pushed the man’s hair off his neck and ran his tongue down it, enjoying Tseng’s muscles tensing in reaction. Tseng finished undressing and turned to him.

“That tea worked, hm? No congestion at all.” Tseng kissed his mouth, then his cheek. “But let me warm you up a little more.”

Tseng lay him down, climbing over him. He nestled his face in Rufus’s neck, kissing him. Rufus felt Tseng’s nimble fingers unbuttoning his shirt, unzipping his fly. A whisper of awkward shyness rustled through Rufus. He tried to stamp it down but failed.

“I’ve never—done this before,” he blurted out. “That is—”

“You’ve never been with a man?”

“No.”

Tseng took his face in both hands and kissed him. His longish hair fell down like curtains, blotting out everything but his face. His smile was tender as he ran a finger over Rufus’s lips. Rufus felt he should escape that smile while he could, before he became too used to it. It would be easy to forget everything else and lose himself in such sweet kindness.

“Relax,” Tseng told him. “Just follow my lead.”

“Heh. A Shinra, following?”

Rufus ran his hand down Tseng’s chest, to his flat stomach, and gripped his erection. Tseng gasped, his careful control slipping. Rufus smirked, stroking him teasingly. He sat up a little, kissing the side of Tseng’s neck.

“I said I never did it before,” he murmured into his ear, “not that I wouldn’t know what to do.”

Tseng’s arm encircled him. He gave him a kiss that was almost combative, rushing to finish undressing Rufus. When he did, he took Rufus’s hand by the wrist and held it down. Rufus tried to break his grasp but a kiss on his inner thigh made him fall back in a blind wave of ecstasy. Even being with women had never aroused him this deeply.

“There’s a difference between learning something and experiencing it,” Tseng chuckled. “Let me show you … heir of Shinra.”

Rufus gave up fighting and let the experience carry them both away. As he lost himself to pleasure, he felt Tseng briefly touch his pendant with the True Time Materia.

_How will this change the future, I wonder?_

_Oh, I don’t care!_

_I just want to experience the present for once. I need to remember what it feels like to be alive. Just for tonight, plans can wait, the future can wait._

_I want to remember how it feels to simply live._


	5. Memento V

[January 1995]

Strangely, the Wutai War brought calm to Rufus’s life. Surely enough, the age limit for admission to SOLDIER was lowered in 1993 due to the war. Sephiroth passed the Assessment Test and went into training immediately. He cleared training in a month and, a SOLDIER Third Class, was deployed to Wutai. Rufus was troubled to see him go, and his departure hurt him more than he even expected. Sephiroth was too excited to be considerate of Rufus’s feelings: the last Rufus saw of him the boy was all too eager to depart. The boy’s only complaint was that the SOLDIER uniform was uncomfortable.

Rufus and Amara spent the initial days after Sephiroth’s departure in morose silence. The Shinra penthouse felt empty to them both. Not only that, but given that Rufus was sixteen by then, Amara was no longer needed in the household. After talking to Rufus and Gus, who she was now dating, Amara decided to join the Turks. Rufus was surprised but greatly pleased. Between Gus, Amara, and Tseng, he had a good group of Turks that were loyal predominantly to him, rather than the company. He knew that he would need their discretion and skills in the future.

With Sephiroth gone, Rufus spent most of his time with Tseng. He might have fallen into obsession with Old Rufus Shinra’s information if he had not had this new relationship to distract him. Tseng was kind, beautiful, and easy to be with. Their affair was casual but loving all the same. Rufus was grateful for it.

At age seventeen, Rufus graduated from his preparatory school. A freak accident took the life of Shinra, Inc.’s Vice President, who had been little more than a placeholder for Rufus anyway. When Rufus promised to keep his university grades high, he was granted the position of Vice President of Shinra, Inc.. He immediately set to work making the changes he knew would be necessary to keep Sephiroth, and the Planet, safe in the years to come.

The war had dragged on for three years now. Sephiroth sometimes wrote to Rufus, but his letters were impersonal. He still was not fully comfortable expressing his emotions, not even in writing. Rufus flew out to Wutai to see him occasionally, but given his status he was not allowed to stay in enemy territory long. He monitored Sephiroth through reports from people he had paid to keep an eye on him in Wutai, newspaper articles, newsreels, and the Shinra propaganda campaigns that often featured the beautiful child prodigy of SOLDIER. One of Sephiroth’s first victories overseas had been to convince his superiors to let him fight without his helmet. Seeing how dramatically his silver hair flowed behind him as he fought, the propaganda team convinced the commanders to leave him be. People in Midgar always stopped whatever they were doing when footage of Sephiroth was displayed on the giant screens downtown. He was quickly becoming the hero of the war he was destined to be.

Rufus often thought of the ten-year-old boy he had first seen five years ago. He missed that little boy dearly, even as his fascination with the man Sephiroth was grew. At fifteen, Sephiroth had reached his full height of six-foot-one, and had traded his katana for the infamous seven-foot-long blade custom-made for him, the Masamune. The way his hair swept down behind the blade when he slashed had already earned him the nickname, “One-Winged Angel”. Rufus felt an ominously sad sensation whenever he heard the title cheered by the crowds, often to the eerie, powerful orchestral song of the same name that Shinra paired the footage with.

 _He is so very beautiful, but he’s growing away from me._ The thought gnawed at Rufus daily. _How does he feel about me now? Does he still love me? Will he still respect me? Does he think about me at all?_

To top it all off, recently Rufus had reports that Sephiroth was becoming difficult. His superiors did not want to push him into First Class until he was sixteen, due to simmering jealousies that were disrupting the other units. Sephiroth’s prowess had gone to his head, and he was all but demanding to be allowed to take the First Class Assessment.

“I have to see him. I have to make him remember his place.”

Tseng sharply came to a stop on his ice skates, gripping Rufus by the wrist. Rufus was forced to stop and glided up to him. Tseng rarely touched him in public, knowing the flawless public image the ‘heir of Shinra’ had to keep up. Tseng released him quickly, nodding his head towards the rest area. They skated to the edge of the rink, where Rufus’s attendant was waiting with their shoes and his guard dog Darkstar. Rufus gave the dog a firm pat on the head on his way to the benches. Once out of the skates, they fetched drinks from the vending machine and found a quiet spot between the outdoor rink and the park proper.

“I’m going to assume that you’re referring to Sephiroth,” Tseng said. “You’ve been talking about nothing but Sephiroth since New Year’s Day.”

“He’s our ward,” Rufus said. “You know that I care about him.”

“Like a brother?”

“No, as a friend.”

“Only as a friend?”

Rufus had no answer. He took a sip of his drink and looked away. Tseng was too even-tempered and pragmatic to be hurt. Despite his insinuations, his concern for Rufus remained sincere.

“You watched him grow up since childhood, but he isn’t a child anymore,” Tseng reasoned. “He’s a quite mature fifteen, and you’re going to be eighteen soon. He’s a soldier, and you are the Vice President of Shinra. Your entire dynamic has changed.”

“It has,” Rufus admitted. “The last time I saw him, nothing was the same. He was … a man. I didn’t know how to treat him—or feel about him. He seemed to hardly notice me there at all. But as much as most things have changed, some things haven’t. He’s still an arrogant, spoiled, difficult _brat_.”

“Yet even saying those things, you sound loving.”

‘ _I’ve never loved anyone_ but _him_.’

“Our love was pure, only friendship,” Rufus said. “I still want to protect him, as if he were a child. He was never a helpless child, but he was alone, vulnerable—he needed me. He still needs me, I know he does. But he won’t admit it. And he’s not a child I can spoil and teach and love. I don’t know what the hell he is anymore.”

“Do you care _what_ he is that much?” Tseng asked. “You seem to only care about _who_ he is.”

_How can I not care about what he is? He isn’t human. He may someday destroy Midgar, if he doesn’t destroy the Planet itself. One-Winged Angel … The New Calamity … Bringer of Meteorfall … Heir of Jenova …_

“That look again,” Tseng said. “It’s been a while, but it’s back. How enraptured by Sephiroth are you? And why?”

“Well, everyone knows how special he is,” Rufus said. “It’s been evident since he was a child. Perhaps since he was born. He has … a very important part to play in destiny. And I need to cultivate that.”

“I don’t mean to pry, Mr. Vice President,” Tseng always used the title wryly but not without respect, “but there’s more to it than that. You always seem anxious when you talk about Sephiroth’s future. All of Midgar and the world knows how powerful he is, but he is only one man.”

“He’s very special.”

“Do you fear him?”

“I can’t allow myself to fear him,” Rufus said. “There is no one else that he even comes close to respecting. My idiot father and his superiors in SOLDIER have only catered to his ego. When she was our caretaker, Amara Ami was too kind to come down hard on him, and he needed a woman to spoil him a little, given how hurt he was at not having a mother. For better or worse, his discipline has always fallen to me.”

“I’m surprised that he allows that, given that you only have three years of age over him.”

“He was emotionally stunted when he came to live with us,” Rufus explained. “He still is, if his letters are any indication.”

Tseng had to smile. Rufus had shown him Sephiroth’s last letter, which simply stated, ‘Rain today. Took out ambush battalion in disputed territory’. Rufus was cool on the surface but Sephiroth was practically frigid. He really did not know what Rufus saw in the strange silver-haired man.

 _Then again, he is a Shinra, and it is their nature to tame nature,_ Tseng thought, glancing down at Darkstar. Rufus was idly stroking the huge military canine’s head. _I wonder if he only loves Sephiroth or whether he also wants to own him, the way he owns this monstrous beast. Even after we’ve been together all this time, he never has fully submitted to me, he only plays at surrender. That’s one of the reasons I never expected this to last forever, irregardless of Sephiroth._

“I think that Sephiroth acknowledges that I’m more worldly, and he respects that,” Rufus said. “He used to respect that, anyway. I don’t know how he feels now. I have to see him and remind him of his place.”

“Is that wise?” Tseng asked. “Setting him off now could be dangerous.”

“I can’t let myself be afraid,” Rufus repeated. “Tseng, you’re close to getting your helicopter license, aren’t you?”

“Yes.”

“You could handle a flight to Wutai, then.”

“Of course, Mr. Vice President.”

“Good,” Rufus said. “As soon as there’s a window of safety, we’ll head out. I’ll be too busy with my classes once school resumes after the winter holiday. And I need to see him.”

Tseng nodded. They got into Rufus’s car, the attendant driving. Tseng closed the privacy screen between the front and back seats. He took Rufus’s face in both hands, dark eyes searching Rufus’s blue gaze. He gave him a long, tender, loving kiss.

“That felt like you’re kissing me goodbye,” Rufus said knowingly. “Tseng … ”

“It’s all right,” Tseng smiled. “I’ve always known that you love Sephiroth as more than a ward, more than a friend. Now that he’s grown, I think that the next time you deal with him, you should do so as a free man. Then you’ll be able to figure out exactly what you feel for him without any other attachments.”

Rufus took Tseng’s hand in his own, stroking his long, elegant fingers.

“I have been happy with you,” he said. “When Sephiroth left, you were there for me. I’ll always be grateful for that, Tseng.”

“It’s been my pleasure, Mr. Vice President.”

Rufus smiled and stole one last kiss from him. Tseng stroked a hand through his hair. He held him until they arrived at his apartment. He kissed Rufus’s forehead and then went to his building alone. Rufus sat back and sighed.

_Sephiroth, I hope you’re worth all I’m giving up for you. Will you even care? I wonder …_

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


As it turned out, Rufus was able to leave for Wutai the following day. He brought only Tseng with him, who flew the helicopter to the occupied zone of the ancient city. If Tseng felt any way about visiting the war-torn land of his ancestors, he did not show it. Even in the town, he looked around with only mild curiosity. He had been born in Midgar and was an urbanite through and through.

Rufus had called Heidegger ahead of time. Heidegger and Sephiroth were in the office Heidegger had made for himself in the grandest of the occupied area’s inns. It was not a good sign to Rufus that Sephiroth answered only to the highest-ranking person in the field, rather than a lower commander. He was certainly uppity for SOLDIER Second Class.

When Rufus and Tseng walked in, Sephiroth was too busy complaining to even notice the intrusion.

“This isn’t about my taking the First Class Assessment, then?” he was asking Heidegger. “Why not? I’ve done more than prove myself! I’ve bolstered this war practically single-handed!”

“Well, I know how you feel, boy, and I admire your spirit,” Heidegger laughed. “But the other commanders are feeling the pressure. The men, too. If you could stop bragging so much, maybe—”

“I’ve never claimed anything that wasn’t true,” Sephiroth said haughtily. “The men! There are men double my age whose hands still shake! Every day, someone has a pointless moral crisis. It isn’t my fault that _the men_ are so weak and poorly trained. Why should I be held back because of them?”

“Because you are a soldier,” Rufus spoke up, “and it’s your duty to follow orders.”

Sephiroth whirled around, hair flying with the motion. He lifted his face, eyes narrowed. Rufus met those cold green eyes without hesitation. He was nearly Sephiroth’s height, so their faces were level. Tseng stood by the door, watching with interest.

“Rufus,” Sephiroth said. “So, that’s what this is about. No one told me that you were flying in.”

“You’ve been causing trouble, I hear,” Rufus said. “I came to see if the rumors were true.”

Sephiroth crossed his arms. Despite his physical maturity, there was something of the arrogant child in the gesture. He was playing it cool but his brow was furrowed.

“It’s nothing for the Vice President to worry about,” he said. “I’ve been having a disagreement with my superiors, that’s all. They won’t see reason.”

“Oh, Sephiroth, you’ve hardly changed after all,” Rufus smirked. He reached up and touched the side of the man’s face. “You still brush off your misbehavior as if it’s no big deal, and blame anyone else that you can.”

Sephiroth’s face turned light pink and grew slightly warm beneath Rufus’s hand. He turned away from him and put a little distance between them. Rufus turned to Heidegger.

“Do you allow all of SOLDIER Second Class to speak to you that way?” he asked. “It’s not very fitting for the Head of Public Safety to be argued down by a fifteen-year-old.”

“Gah … I … That is … ” Heidegger cleared his throat. “I think that we can all agree, Sephiroth is a special case.”

“No wonder morale is low,” Rufus said. “Whether Sephiroth is kept in Second Class or not, it must not make the other men feel very proud when you treat Sephiroth like he’s above the rest.”

“I _am_ above them,” Sephiroth scoffed.

“Is that so?” Rufus walked up to him. “Well, you’re not above _me_. Are you?”

“It has nothing to do with you, Rufus,” Sephiroth said. “This is a military issue.”

“This is the _Shinra_ military. Do I have to remind you that I _am_ Shinra?”

“Not yet.”

“What did you say?”

“I said, not yet,” Sephiroth repeated. He shrugged. “So you’re the Vice President now. Fine. But I report to my commanders and the President. You don’t own Shinra yet.”

Rufus stifled his temper, but only barely. Sephiroth knew that he disliked his father, and he knew pointing out his place beneath him would hurt Rufus’s pride. The smug smirk on his beautiful face made Rufus want to slap him. Was there really nothing of their friendship left? Or was Sephiroth just testing his new fame and power? He was watching Rufus with curiosity, like a cat eyeing a mouse.

“I may not own Shinra myself yet, that is true,” Rufus said. “But I still out-rank everyone in this room, Sephiroth, including you. Tseng, Heidegger, take hold of him.”

Tseng moved first though his eyes were wary. Heidegger came around his desk slowly, no less anxious. Sephiroth stepped back, hand going to his sword. Rufus seized his wrist before he could draw it. By Rufus’s feet, Darkstar stood up, growling lowly.

“What will you do?” he asked softly. “Fight everyone here? If I so much as glimpse steel, you’ll be out of SOLDIER within the hour. Not even my father will tolerate insubordination, and you know it.”

Sephiroth lifted his hand from the blade’s handle. Rufus took it from him and stood the huge sheathed blade by the door. Only then did Heidegger and Tseng take hold of Sephiroth’s arms. Sephiroth glared furiously at Rufus. Rufus felt a twinge of remorse but he knew that he could not weaken now.

“More broken promises,” Rufus said. “You promised that you would behave in SOLDIER, do you remember that? Yet here you are, arrogant as ever.”

“That’s something, coming from you,” Sephiroth sneered.

“Oh? But I still own you, even if I am ‘only’ the Vice President,” Rufus said. “I think that you need a reminder of that. Bend him over that desk, you two.”

Heidegger and Tseng shared a look. Sephiroth tensed, moving to break away. Rufus held up a hand and the fight left him. With a fairly amazed expression, he let the two men lead him to the desk. He did not let them bend him over.

“Rufus, don’t do this!” he protested, looking over his shoulder. “You can’t do this.”

“Yes. I can.”

Rufus nodded to Tseng and Heidegger. With effort, they forced Sephiroth to bend down on the desk. Heidegger held a large arm over the youth’s back, while Tseng held his arms down on its surface. He held Sephiroth firmly but with care. Just feeling the taut muscle beneath his sleeves, Tseng knew it would be impossible to restrain him if there was a fight. There was no need to make a serious enemy out of him by unnecessary cruelty. Tseng did have to admit that it was quite something to behold, this hero of SOLDIER being forced into abject submission.

“Rufus, don’t,” Sephiroth spoke up again. “I’m not a child anymore!”

“Then you shouldn’t act like one. No. Don’t struggle. Stay right there.”

Rufus reached beneath Sephiroth to open his fly, then tugged down the back of his pants and briefs. Sephiroth shut his eyes briefly, face turning deep crimson.

Rufus had no time or inclination to go easy on the unruly soldier. He removed his belt and doubled it. Forcing down his sympathy, he promptly snapped it across Sephiroth’s bared backside. The youth did not flinch, made no sound, but his eyes widened. Tseng was amused by how shocked he looked; he clearly thought himself far beyond discipline. Seeing him humbled was nearly erotic to Tseng, even if Sephiroth was not quite his type. He wondered if Rufus felt the same way.

The whipping was hard and long. Sephiroth eventually snatched his arms out of Tseng’s grasp but made no move to escape. He crossed them on the table, buried his face in them. Feeling a little sorry for him, Tseng put a hand on his shoulder when they began to shake. He heard very quiet, small sobs coming from the man.

Rufus almost let up but he steeled himself and kept on. _I can’t let him lose respect for me, not now. This is a critical time in his life. Old Rufus Shinra lost him completely after he went to fight in this war. I can’t lose him. Even if he’s angry with me for a while, he has to know that I won’t allow him to disobey me._

Even Heidegger looked worried by the time Rufus finally relented. Sephiroth’s sobs were barely audible but he was shaking violently. He did not move when Heidegger released him. Tseng had a comforting hand on his head by now, though he remained entertained by the scene. Sephiroth’s buttocks down to his thighs were covered with angry scarlet welts. He must be in a fair amount of pain, even by his high threshold for it. Tseng suspected most of his anguish came from shattered pride, however. When he finally lifted his face to rub his eyes, he was blushing brightly.

“Leave us,” Rufus ordered, putting his belt back on. “Give us some time alone.”

Heidegger and Tseng obeyed without a word. Rufus approached Sephiroth, removing a small case from his pocket. He turned Sephiroth’s wet face up to his own by the chin, showing him the case. Sephiroth’s eyes went round in hurt and outrage.

“Just so that you remember,” Rufus said. “You _belong_ to Shinra. I _am_ Shinra.”

Rufus opened the case and removed the stamp. He wet it in its ink pad and then pressed it down to the small of Sephiroth’s back. Sephiroth gave a small cry and collapsed into frustrated sobs. His hands curled into fists above his head, bunching strands of silver hair between the fingers. Rufus put the stamp and ink pad away in the case and pocketed it again. He looked down at Sephiroth, now marked 'Property of Shinra, Inc.', wondering what to do with him. He rested a hand on Sephiroth’s bottom, rubbing lightly. His skin was very warm.

“Did you really think that I wouldn’t come?” Rufus asked. “That I wouldn’t still have an eye on you? That I would let you do whatever you wanted? Hm?”

Rufus sat on the desk, soothing the youth’s well-spanked bottom. For the first time, he began to feel a deep, burning attraction to his longtime friend. He cleared his throat and pulled Sephiroth’s pants up for him, gave him one last slap on the bottom through them.

“It’s all right, it’s done now,” he said. “Get up.”

Rufus stood and Sephiroth got to his feet slowly. Rufus embraced him tightly. Sephiroth cried into his coat as Rufus stroked his long hair, now grown past his waist. _It’s nice to have him in my arms again. No matter how old he is or how strong, he’s still my Sephiroth._

Rufus brushed Sephiroth’s hair off his face and kissed his cheek. He tasted of salty tears. Sephiroth began to relax as Rufus kissed the line of his jaw, his neck. Then he pushed away with such violence Rufus was forced to sit back on the desk.

“No!” Sephiroth exclaimed angrily. “No! _No_! You don’t … own me yet. Not yet.”

“Sephiroth—”

“How _dare_ you humiliate me that way,” Sephiroth seethed. “After all I’ve fought for Shinra! After—after—I’m a hero! And you fly all the way out here to punish me like I’m still a child? I’m not a child!”

“Sephiroth, calm down,” Rufus said sharply. “I told you, if you don’t want to be treated like a child, stop acting like one. Besides, you’re still only fifteen. Did you forget that?”

Rufus walked over to him, placed his palm on the side of Sephiroth’s face. Sephiroth gave him a miserable look. _So he is hurt,_ Rufus noted. _He can still_ be _hurt. I feel sorry for him, but it’s better that way._

“Still too young,” Rufus murmured. “Well. If you behave, you will get to First Class sooner or later. I hope that when you do, you find whatever it is you’re looking for.”

Sephiroth tried to move away but Rufus held him back by the shoulders.

“But don’t you forget this,” he said. “Never forget that I’m the only one that can make you feel this way.”

Sephiroth looked away sullenly. Rufus kissed his cheek again.

“Don’t forget that you’re still human, Sephiroth.”

“Is that all?” Sephiroth asked. “ _Mr._ Vice President?”

“For now. I’m not able to be in Wutai very long these days.” Rufus turned Sephiroth to the door and gave his bottom a swat. “You’re dismissed, soldier.”

Sephiroth’s fist tightened. He rushed to the door, flung it open, and stormed away. Darkstar came up beside Rufus and yawned.

 _He looks like a man but he’s still a kid,_ Rufus thought. _Well, at least he’ll think twice about getting carried away with himself now._

Rufus left the office. Tseng was waiting outside the door. Rufus did not want to leave Sephiroth so angry. Deciding to give him time to cool off, he proposed getting something to eat. Tseng agreed and they went to the inn’s bar and restaurant. They ordered food and were served. Rufus opted for rice wine while Tseng had a beer.

“That was quite harsh,” Tseng commented. “I didn’t know you have such a sadistic side.”

“He needed the discipline,” Rufus said. “I miscalculated by expecting to find him a grown man; he’s still a child.”

“He certainly ran off like one,” Tseng said. “It was almost cute.”

“Adorable,” Rufus said dryly. “Ah, he’s furious with me this time. I don’t know if he’ll forgive me. The last time I spanked him, he was twelve, and he had a crush on me. He was more hurt and insecure about his place in my life than anything. Now … I don’t know.”

“You should have seen his face,” Tseng said. “He was utterly stunned.”

“He basically said that I wasn’t one to call anyone arrogant.”

Tseng refrained from comment, drinking his beer. Rufus knew what he was thinking and chuckled. He was well aware of his own hubris.

“Heidegger made himself scarce in a hurry,” Tseng said. “I think he’s afraid of Sephiroth, although he would never admit it.”

“Heidegger and my father are two foolish sides of the same coin.”

“Mm. Speaking of, here.”

Tseng removed his wallet and took out a single coin. He slid it across the table to Rufus, who held it before his eyes. He smiled. It was the first run of the commemorative gil coins that his father had had minted to commemorate his joining Shinra as Vice President. The winged Shinra crest and sword beneath the words “Shinra Inc A New Era” decorated one side, while the other held an image of Darkstar.

“Well, the old man is good at propaganda, at least.” Rufus flipped the coin into the air, caught it. “These have long since been put out of circulation. Where did you get it?”

“The Turks finally tracked down where the missing shipment went,” Tseng said. “Can you believe that a group of anti-war teenagers had stolen it? They had loaded them onto a small bomb, planned to make some ridiculous statement. I thought you would appreciate the irony and saved that one for you.”

Rufus laughed.

“I’m not fond of the war, but that’s simply pathetic,” he said. “Thank you. I suppose I’ll take this as a lucky omen.”

“Do you really not like the war?”

“No one sane actually likes war,” Rufus said. “I know that it’s necessary. Shinra can’t afford to let Wutai become an anti-Mako stronghold. If AVALANCHE continues being funded by this territory, they will grow into a major threat to the company. However … No. Never mind.”

“There’s that ‘weight of the world’ look again,” Tseng said. “I understand. I don’t think anyone at the company is without their secrets. But you can trust me, you know, Rufus.”

“I know,” Rufus said. “But, Tseng, there may come a day when I will have to ask you to choose between myself and the company. When that day comes, I hope you choose me.”

“I don’t understand,” Tseng said. “You just told Sephiroth that you _are_ the company. Didn’t you mean that?”

“Yes, but everyone at Shinra has their own interests to defend,” Rufus said. “It’s nothing to worry about now. Just think about it.”

“I don’t have to. You are my friend, more than a friend, really. Even if we aren’t together, you always will be. It may not be very professional of me, but I will always choose your side.”

Rufus nodded, pleased. He wished that he could tell Tseng everything there and then. Yet he felt the time was not yet right. Besides, he still had Sephiroth to deal with.

“I had better go find that kid,” Rufus said. “Wait at the helicopter. I hope this doesn’t take long.”

“I’ll buy something to read.”

“Heh.”

The Shinra brass did not need to pay for meals in occupied Wutai. They left the table and split up. Rufus found Heidegger and asked where Sephiroth was. He was not surprised that Sephiroth had been given a private room on the inn’s top floor. He took the elevator up, found the room, and let himself in without knocking.

Sephiroth was still sulking. He lay on his bed with his head buried in his arms, motionless. He’d stripped off the uniform shirt, wearing only the dark purple Second Class pants. The stamp Rufus had imprinted on his lower back was visible. He did not even look up. Rufus crossed the unlit room, illuminated only by sunlight drifting in through the bamboo blinds. He pulled himself up onto the double bed and pulled Sephiroth into his arms before the man knew what was happening.

“Shh. No, don’t fight me,” Rufus said. “You didn’t think that I would leave without comforting you?”

“I don’t need your comfort,” Sephiroth said. “Leave me alone.”

“Never.”

Sephiroth looked up at him. Rufus urged him back down and the youth sighed. He rested his head on Rufus’s lap, scowling. Rufus stroked his hair.

“It’s gotten so long,” he said. “You’re still taking care of it, though.”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

Sephiroth’s frown slowly cleared despite himself. Rufus ran his hand down the length of his hair and his long, strong back. When his fingers reached the stamped mark, Sephiroth rolled onto his back.

“Why are you so cruel?” he asked. “I thought we were friends.”

“We are friends,” Rufus said. “That doesn’t mean that I can allow you to do whatever you want.”

“Because I belong to Shinra and you _are Shinra_. I know.”

“Sephiroth, haven’t you realized the truth yet?”

Sephiroth looked up at him. Rufus kissed his forehead.

“I also belong to you,” he said gently. “I’ve been yours since the moment that we met. I’ve done and will do everything in my power to protect you—from yourself, as well. I love you, Sephiroth. I’ve always loved you.”

“You—”

“Shhh. Don’t say anything. Just let me hold you,” Rufus said. “Let me hold you the way I did when you were just a child.”

Sephiroth leaned his head on Rufus’s chest, arms around him. Satisfied, Rufus settled against the pillows. _He’s heavy, despite being trim. But I’ll never be unable to hold him. He feels different now but I don’t want to let go of our pure friendship yet. Not yet, not until he knows how much I truly love him. And I need to know that he loves me, too._

“I’ve missed you, Sephiroth,” Rufus told him. “The penthouse isn’t the same without you and Amara. I rarely spend my time there anymore, it feels so empty and hollow.”

“How is Ms. Ami?”

“She’s doing well in the Turks,” Rufus said. “Hasn’t she written to you?”

“Yes, and she calls sometimes. I never know what to say but she talks enough for both of us.” Sephiroth exhaled slowly. “I miss her, too. And I miss … being with you like this. I didn’t know if you would want me anymore.”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“I’m not a helpless little kid anymore.” Sephiroth looked at his hand, clenched it into a fist briefly. “I’ve killed people, a lot of people.”

“Do you feel bad about that?”

“No,” Sephiroth said simply. “I thought that was a good thing, but the way people look at me … Even Heidegger is afraid of me. There’s something wrong with me. So, I thought … you would be afraid of me, too. But you’re not.”

Sephiroth sat up, cross-legged on the bed.

“You’ve never been afraid of me,” he marveled. “Why aren’t you afraid of me?”

“I love you and I trust you,” Rufus said. “And deep down, I think you know that I’ve never disciplined you unless you’ve earned it. Have I?”

Sephiroth shook his head. Rufus took his hands into his own.

“There is nothing wrong with you,” he said. “You’re strong, beautiful, and _perfect_. I’ve told you before, most people cannot understand perfection. They get frightened and comfort themselves with meaningless judgments and derision. I would never do that to you. If you felt that way, you should have simply told me so. You have to talk to me, Sephiroth, instead of acting out like this.”

“I wasn’t acting out,” Sephiroth said. “I really should be in First Class.”

“I’m sure they’ll push you through sooner or later,” Rufus said. “There’s no need to be such a brat about it. Going off on your own, disobeying orders, even for you it’s dangerous.”

“I haven’t had any trouble.”

“And what if I lost you?” Rufus asked. “Do you know how I would feel if something happened to you?”

“You were worried about me?”

“I’m _always_ worrying about you,” Rufus said wearily. He patted Sephiroth’s head. “You should know that by now. So why do you keep breaking your promises to me? Did you really think I wouldn’t notice? That I wouldn’t care? Or were you trying to get my attention?”

“I’m bored.”

“Bored?”

“Yes,” Sephiroth admitted. “I need to be at the front and I need more freedom. The restrictions of Second Class are pointless.”

“You barely have any restrictions as it is,” Rufus said. “They let you get rid of your helmet all the way back in Third Class. You’re sent to the front often. And you’re bored?”

“Fighting in these skirmishes is too easy,” Sephiroth said. “I want to take on the specialized missions. And I don’t like being told what to do. Don’t look at me that way, I’m not being entitled. In the last battle, Heidegger had everyone in Second Class do nothing more than protect his piece of junk prototype robot. I could have taken down the enemy before they retreated, if I had been allowed to use my own judgment.”

“So you decided to bully Heidegger and your superiors into letting you take the Assessment?”

“I wasn’t—”

Rufus gave him a look. Sephiroth gave up, lying down again, head on Rufus’s knees. _He was bored,_ Rufus thought. _Another tantrum. He wants to fight harder. He has no remorse over killing at all. He’s bored of it because it’s too easy. Well, he can’t help his nature. Still …_

“You’ve gotten carried away with your fame, my One-Winged Angel,” Rufus teased. “Trust me, you will make First Class soon. Until then, follow orders and behave. Can you do that for me?”

“Yes, yes.”

“Good boy.”

“You treat me like Darkstar sometimes.”

“Do I? He’s better behaved than you are.”

Sephiroth almost smiled, hiding his mouth behind his hand. Rufus kissed his forehead. Before he drew back, Sephiroth reached up and kissed him fully. Rufus knew he should pull away but he couldn’t. Sephiroth twisted around and got up on hand and knee over Rufus. Rufus took his face into both hands, their lips crushed together almost painfully. He withdrew panting. Sephiroth went to kiss him again but he stopped him, fingers pressed to the youth’s lips.

“No, no,” he huffed. “Sephiroth. You’re too young. You’re still … too young.”

Sephiroth’s pout made Rufus want to kiss him until his lips bruised. He struggled to sit up, breathing hard. Sephiroth climbed off him reluctantly. Rufus straightened his clothes, his suit too warm. He brushed his hair off his face and stalled for time as he tried desperately to calm his arousal. He was still young but Sephiroth certainly looked and felt like an adult.

“Besides, I have to go,” Rufus said. “If word gets out that the Vice President is nearby, it could cause trouble. And unlike you, I know how to follow the rules.”

“When you’re not twisting them.”

Rufus pinched Sephiroth’s cheek. He climbed down from the bed, body still wired with desire and adrenaline. Sephiroth’s jade-hued stare followed him closely.

“I wish you would stop treating me like a kid,” he said. “I’m not twelve anymore.”

“You’re only fifteen. And I do have to go,” Rufus said. “Be patient, Sephiroth. We have time. We have all the time in the world.”

“Mm.”

Rufus kissed his forehead.

“Be good.”

“Yes.”

Rufus left him before he lost his resolve. It would be all too easy to let his reservations go and spend the rest of the day in Wutai with him. He might have, if Sephiroth’s personality had changed as much as his body had. But in his eyes, in his behavior, Rufus was still reminded of the little boy from Hojo’s lab. Even his attraction made him feel a little guilty.

Tseng really was reading a book by the time Rufus returned to the helicopter. He pocketed it and climbed into the cockpit upon spotting his friend and boss. Rufus climbed up to the passenger seat, unable to speak. He buckled himself in, confirming that they were returning to Midgar. Tseng nodded and started the chopper up.

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


Rufus was emotionally exhausted by the time he got home. He went home to the Shinra Tower penthouse alone. In his room, he turned the heat up high and lay down on his bed. He had little time to rest these days, but today he needed to take an hour for himself.

Rufus was almost asleep when he felt a cold pressure on his chest. He blinked himself awake, yawning, and reached beneath his shirt. The True Time Materia was glowing softly. He sat up, looking around the room. Everything was still—unnaturally so. Time had frozen once again.

“It’s been a while,” Rufus said as the shadows coalesced in the corner of the room, “my old self.”

Old Rufus Shinra materialized and stepped forward. Seeing his face again after so many years stunned Rufus. Now that he had matured into manhood, he could see more traces of his features in the elder man’s face. He stared into his own blue gaze for a long moment in contemplative silence.

“I never expected to see you again,” Rufus said. “How long has it been? Five years?”

“Time is irrelevant to me now, though judging by your face, that is correct,” Old Rufus Shinra replied. “You are eighteen, aren’t you? I remember that age well.”

“That’s right,” Rufus said. “I’m eighteen, Sephiroth is fifteen. You were right about our relationship. I have fallen in love with him.”

“I know.” Old Rufus nodded. “Now that he has matured nearly to manhood, you’ve found yourself desiring him. Yet you are conflicted. A part of you misses the purity of your platonic friendship, misses having a mere child to look out for and protect. Besides, you are worried that if you get too close to him, you will end up unable to discipline him, and there is no one else to fulfill such a role.”

“Oh?” Rufus narrowed his eyes. “And how do you know so much, exactly?”

“I think that you have figured it out by now.”

“All these years, I’ve felt this materia acting and reacting,” Rufus said. “It grows cold when there is danger, and sometimes it warms with my emotions. You are not only speaking to me from the past, are you? You’ve been watching from within the materia, somehow.”

“Very good,” Old Rufus said. “I lied to you the last time we spoke five years ago because I did not want you to feel pressured by my presence. The truth is that I managed to seal some of my spirit energy within the True Time Materia just before I died. I was uncertain whether it would work, whether even this materia could stop time for a soul, but it did. I exist now in a strange dual state: I can feel myself both in the Lifestream and here in this world via the materia. I suppose the best way to explain it would be to liken myself to a stone sunk deeply into the bed of a river: I am set in place within the Lifestream and Timestream, but the latter is slowly eroding me. Eventually, I will dissipate into the Lifestream and Timestream as is supposed to happen. For now, I have been watching over this world. However, it takes a great amount of energy to appear, which is why I cannot manifest to speak with you very often.”

“And now you’ve come because of this new conflict,” Rufus surmised. “Or do you disapprove of the way I handled Sephiroth in Wutai?”

“No, you’re right to believe that he needs discipline,” Old Rufus said. He smirked. “And I must say that after all he put me through in my lifetime, it was gratifying to see him thoroughly punished.”

“I feel guilty over it this time,” Rufus said. “Not because I punished him, particularly, but because it was so different this time. It was erotic.”

“It was erotic for him, too. You felt that, didn’t you?” Old Rufus pointed out. “Why do you think that he has always submitted to you?”

“You wrote in your journals that you suspected Sephiroth of being a sadomasochist,” Rufus said. “You based that theory on his obsession with the man named ‘Cloud Strife’: Sephiroth was unable to stop fixating on him even when that fixation drew him to his own destruction. You believe the reason for this obsession was caused by both admiration and hatred. He admired Cloud’s incorruptibility but he was galled by it. At the same time, the conflict itself excited him more than anything else.”

“Feeling deeply is a rare experience for Sephiroth,” Old Rufus added. “You heard him yourself, he’s _bored_ fighting the war. First Class will excite him temporarily, but eventually he will grow numb to even those challenges. No passion that he chooses to pursue can ever satisfy him for long because he is unrivaled in every field. In my continuum, he had no lover to challenge him, no one to make him _feel_. So he chose to live to appease his lust for power and revenge, because even rage was preferable to emptiness, even pain was preferable to numbness. That was Sephiroth at the height of his insanity, but even in this continuum, those characteristics are inherent to his personality.”

“It’s a difficult balance to maintain, and when, or if, we do become lovers, it will only be more difficult,” Rufus said. “I was able to put him off for now, but he won’t be a boy much longer. I don’t think that I’ll be able to stifle my own feelings, either. I still don’t understand him as fully as I should, either.”

“Sephiroth hardly understands himself, I believe,” Old Rufus said. “You have time.”

“That’s not the only issue,” Rufus said. “I was furious at him today. I went too far in humiliating him. He’s intent on testing me, I’m barely able to control my temper. I’m torn between still treating him like the boy I practically raised and the man I’m falling in love with. Everything is a mess.”

“And we hate messes,” chuckled Old Rufus. “Ah, youth. I must say that I never felt as alive as you have, not even when I was that age. You may not realize it at the moment, but you’re very fortunate.”

“Did you really decide to speak with me now just to offer bland encouragements?”

“No,” Old Rufus smiled. “I felt your temper and your growing urges. I came to advise you to be patient, with yourself and with Sephiroth. You’ve been enjoying a normal teenage life with Tseng and you’ve grown used to being in power given your status as Vice President. As much as Sephiroth enjoys challenging you, his challenges displease and annoy you. It will do you no good to rise to his provocations because he will win any conflict by simply enjoying it. His outrage didn’t last very long today, did it?”

“No, come to think of it,” Rufus said. “He kissed me before I left. Come to think of it, he tried to kiss me after I punished him when he was twelve, too.”

“Conflict is the only thing that arouses that man,” Old Rufus said. “You need to learn to control the way you react to him now, because your relationship will always be tumultuous. That is why I came to speak to you now.”

“Easier said than done,” Rufus said. “You act the way that I always figured I would as a man: collected, practical, coldly perfect. But even you were driven to extremes for your passion—which is why you’re a ghost inside a materia.”

“True,” Old Rufus smiled. “The difference is that my every action has been part of a plan that I crafted more than a decade ago, by my lifetime’s measure. I’ve watched you lay plans for all eventualities during this time without Sephiroth. Now you need to apply that same measure of calculation to Sephiroth. Regardless of what you’re feeling, you must keep a part of yourself dispassionate. Even when he acts temperamental or bratty, there is always a part of Sephiroth that is weighing his options and their outcomes. You shocked him earlier because he considered his maturity to make him immune from your corporal punishment. He won’t be softened by that surprise again.”

Rufus nodded, considering this.

“Sephiroth has always known that you will never physically be a match for him,” Old Rufus continued. “If you did not have a longstanding bond with him, he would disregard you the way he does everyone else. That’s why he challenged your authority as Vice President, it was one of his many tests. You saw that in his eyes, didn’t you?”

Rufus remembered the way Sephiroth smirked at him with the expression of a cat playing with a mouse. A twinge of anger rose but he snuffed it out. He knew that Old Rufus was right, he needed more control.

“He will always submit to you out of loyalty and love, even admiration, _if_ he continues to respect you,” Old Rufus explained. “But if you weaken, he’ll lose interest. You cannot overpower him physically and you don’t wield the full weight of the presidency of Shinra. He knows this. But he still admires your resolve, leadership, and especially your lack of fear. He’s testing you, trying to see if you’re worthy of him. I don’t think it’s even a conscious effort on his part. As I said, that is simply his nature.”

“Well, it isn’t so strange, I suppose,” Rufus said. “Even human beings tend to feel out their potential mates to determine the worthiest. Whatever he thinks of me, however he tries me, I have to maintain my fearlessness and calm. I should be able to manage that, at least until this adolescent behavior of Sephiroth’s is over.”

“Good. Then, I will leave it in your hands.”

“Wait,” Rufus said. “There are so many more things that I need to ask you. I’ve set as many plans in motion as possible, but is it enough?”

“Neither of us can even begin to guess at that,” Old Rufus said. “There are too many variables in play now that destiny has started to swing in such an opposite direction. The similarities between this continuum and my own are growing fewer and fewer. All I can do is trust you to do what must be done. I believe that you are on the right course, and I would not want to hinder your natural decisions by giving you unnecessary or unfitting advice. My only advice is that you ease your dependency on my journals. That past is dead and gone. It is time for you to act as independently as possible.”

“I’m on my own, is that it?”

“Not entirely. I will be watching over you and Sephiroth, both.”

Old Rufus placed a hand on Rufus’s shoulder but Rufus barely felt it. The man was already fading, as the True Time Materia’s glow strengthened. Time began to move again by small degrees.

“If I am needed, I will return,” Old Rufus assured his younger self. “Until then, have faith in yourself. This is _your_ time now. Remember that.”

“I will.”

In a gentle flash of light, Old Rufus Shinra vanished. The True Time Materia’s light faded and it returned to its regular temperature. Time resumed as normal. Rufus exhaled slowly, shutting his eyes. He felt more exhausted than ever but the conversation had reassured him.

 _I am eighteen years old, and the Vice President of Shinra, Inc.. With the True Time Materia, I am a master of the Timestream itself. Old Rufus is right, it’s time to let my plans lie while I live my life. I have to trust myself as much as he trusts me. If I had had more confidence in my power, I might not have allowed Sephiroth to infuriate me that much. I have to strive for perfection again_ — _not the cold, pristine false perfection that my parents chased, but my own ideal. If I can achieve that, then I can share it with my Sephiroth. I can use it to save him from his fate. That is what I believe would be a perfect world._

  
  


— **FIN** —


End file.
